1 00:00:06,780 --> 00:00:08,880 Good evening, and welcome to Double Take-- 2 00:00:08,880 --> 00:00:10,920 Stories That Make You Think Twice. 3 00:00:10,920 --> 00:00:13,980 My name is Sarita Mehta, and I'm a fourth-year student here 4 00:00:13,980 --> 00:00:16,500 and the Student Member of the Board of Visitors. 5 00:00:16,500 --> 00:00:18,630 It is such an honor to stand before you all 6 00:00:18,630 --> 00:00:21,210 and welcome you to this year's event. 7 00:00:21,210 --> 00:00:24,360 As I look out into the crowd, I see leaders whose names 8 00:00:24,360 --> 00:00:26,520 are synonymous with UVA. 9 00:00:26,520 --> 00:00:29,280 I see students whose hardships and struggles 10 00:00:29,280 --> 00:00:31,050 I could hardly fathom. 11 00:00:31,050 --> 00:00:35,250 And I see individuals whose selflessness is humbling. 12 00:00:35,250 --> 00:00:37,080 But as I look out into the crowd, 13 00:00:37,080 --> 00:00:42,090 beyond this, beyond labels and titles, I see people. 14 00:00:42,090 --> 00:00:44,430 When all is said and done, we are just 15 00:00:44,430 --> 00:00:47,700 that, people, sharing in the highs and lows 16 00:00:47,700 --> 00:00:49,800 of this great human experience. 17 00:00:49,800 --> 00:00:53,410 There is something incredibly powerful about that. 18 00:00:53,410 --> 00:00:55,420 To tell you a little bit about myself, 19 00:00:55,420 --> 00:00:58,000 I'm a Texan through and through and a pretty extroverted 20 00:00:58,000 --> 00:00:58,900 person. 21 00:00:58,900 --> 00:01:02,110 I will always stop to talk to the grocery store cashier 22 00:01:02,110 --> 00:01:05,349 or talk to the corner ambassador for 10 minutes. 23 00:01:05,349 --> 00:01:07,750 Growing up, my dad taught me you can always 24 00:01:07,750 --> 00:01:10,030 learn something or laugh with anyone, 25 00:01:10,030 --> 00:01:13,840 regardless of who they are or where they come from. 26 00:01:13,840 --> 00:01:17,020 As a first-generation immigrant speaking broken English, 27 00:01:17,020 --> 00:01:19,780 my dad believed in that common thread of humanity 28 00:01:19,780 --> 00:01:23,080 that binds us all and transcends differences. 29 00:01:23,080 --> 00:01:25,090 I believe in it, too. 30 00:01:25,090 --> 00:01:27,370 You would be surprised by just how much you can learn 31 00:01:27,370 --> 00:01:29,560 from the people around you. 32 00:01:29,560 --> 00:01:32,140 In conversation after tonight's event, 33 00:01:32,140 --> 00:01:36,490 I urge you to learn, and share, and teach, and laugh 34 00:01:36,490 --> 00:01:38,560 with someone new. 35 00:01:38,560 --> 00:01:41,800 Today, we're going to hear from some incredible members 36 00:01:41,800 --> 00:01:43,540 of our university community. 37 00:01:43,540 --> 00:01:45,850 Their stories are just a few narratives 38 00:01:45,850 --> 00:01:49,060 that highlight the power of reflection, resilience, 39 00:01:49,060 --> 00:01:50,860 and people. 40 00:01:50,860 --> 00:01:52,960 I am certain we will all walk away 41 00:01:52,960 --> 00:01:54,760 learning new things about ourselves 42 00:01:54,760 --> 00:01:57,850 and life from each of these individuals. 43 00:01:57,850 --> 00:02:00,580 Don't let the lessons learned from these few hours 44 00:02:00,580 --> 00:02:02,830 be siloed to these few hours. 45 00:02:02,830 --> 00:02:05,440 Carry them with you day in and day out. 46 00:02:05,440 --> 00:02:06,940 Share your stories. 47 00:02:06,940 --> 00:02:11,380 And listen, really listen, to others. 48 00:02:11,380 --> 00:02:14,370 This event would not be possible without the fearless and, quite 49 00:02:14,370 --> 00:02:17,610 frankly, awesome leadership of Stacy Smith, Matt 50 00:02:17,610 --> 00:02:20,700 Weber, and Jess Harris, and of course, our very 51 00:02:20,700 --> 00:02:22,800 own President Ryan. 52 00:02:22,800 --> 00:02:26,160 This would not be possible if not for the amazing individuals 53 00:02:26,160 --> 00:02:29,790 who gave their time today to share deeply personal stories. 54 00:02:29,790 --> 00:02:32,160 And it would not be possible without each 55 00:02:32,160 --> 00:02:35,280 of you sitting in the crowd, who decided to give your time 56 00:02:35,280 --> 00:02:40,080 today to listen and learn and to open your hearts and ears. 57 00:02:40,080 --> 00:02:41,940 So thank you. 58 00:02:41,940 --> 00:02:46,200 Together, you and me and the person to your left and right, 59 00:02:46,200 --> 00:02:50,250 we represent the power in our story, in your story, 60 00:02:50,250 --> 00:02:53,550 in the larger story of our university and nation. 61 00:02:53,550 --> 00:02:56,670 Even when it isn't pretty or perfect, even when 62 00:02:56,670 --> 00:02:58,920 it's more real than you would want it to be, 63 00:02:58,920 --> 00:03:03,480 your story is what you have, what you will always have. 64 00:03:03,480 --> 00:03:06,070 Thank you all so much for being here this evening. 65 00:03:06,070 --> 00:03:10,680 And without further ado, please enjoy Double Take. 66 00:03:10,680 --> 00:03:17,520 Exactly two weeks ago today, almost to the hour, 67 00:03:17,520 --> 00:03:20,680 my brother shared something with me, 68 00:03:20,680 --> 00:03:24,390 and that has completely rocked my world. 69 00:03:24,390 --> 00:03:27,120 And I hope to tell you about it and maybe even share it 70 00:03:27,120 --> 00:03:28,300 with you. 71 00:03:28,300 --> 00:03:31,820 But first, I have to give you some background. 72 00:03:31,820 --> 00:03:36,970 You see, this brother, Damon, I met him for the first time 73 00:03:36,970 --> 00:03:40,250 ever in my life about 10 weeks ago. 74 00:03:40,250 --> 00:03:43,760 Now, he's 50 years old, and I'm 49 years old. 75 00:03:43,760 --> 00:03:47,330 How did we go our whole lives and just meet 10 weeks ago? 76 00:03:47,330 --> 00:03:52,460 Well, at one level, it's a very simple story. 77 00:03:52,460 --> 00:03:54,887 We share the same biological father. 78 00:03:54,887 --> 00:03:55,970 We have different mothers. 79 00:03:55,970 --> 00:03:57,770 We grew up with our mothers mostly, 80 00:03:57,770 --> 00:04:01,385 in different families, in different parts of the country, 81 00:04:01,385 --> 00:04:02,510 never had a chance to meet. 82 00:04:02,510 --> 00:04:04,340 But when you're talking about families, 83 00:04:04,340 --> 00:04:08,160 it's always more complicated than the simple story. 84 00:04:08,160 --> 00:04:11,230 So I grew up in New York. 85 00:04:11,230 --> 00:04:15,170 I grew up with my mother, her husband, 86 00:04:15,170 --> 00:04:18,980 who I considered Dad but not my biological father, their two 87 00:04:18,980 --> 00:04:23,000 adopted children, their three natural children. 88 00:04:23,000 --> 00:04:26,450 There were six of us, two loving parents 89 00:04:26,450 --> 00:04:30,710 in a dysfunctional but wonderful home 90 00:04:30,710 --> 00:04:33,230 on Long Island in New York. 91 00:04:33,230 --> 00:04:35,870 Now, what makes it maybe a little more 92 00:04:35,870 --> 00:04:39,080 spicy than the typical family is that my two oldest 93 00:04:39,080 --> 00:04:42,200 siblings, my older brother was adopted from the Sioux 94 00:04:42,200 --> 00:04:45,530 Nation in South Dakota, my oldest sister 95 00:04:45,530 --> 00:04:49,310 adopted from the Cherokee and Pima Nations in Arizona. 96 00:04:49,310 --> 00:04:54,380 And unlike all the other five Solomon siblings, 97 00:04:54,380 --> 00:04:57,440 only my biological father was Black. 98 00:04:57,440 --> 00:05:07,170 But Linda, Harold Solomon, two New York Jews with six kids-- 99 00:05:07,170 --> 00:05:11,460 I had a good life, and a good family, 100 00:05:11,460 --> 00:05:15,880 and a wonderful dad, who celebrated me, cheered me on, 101 00:05:15,880 --> 00:05:19,980 loved me above everything else. 102 00:05:19,980 --> 00:05:22,580 But for the first 21 years of my life, 103 00:05:22,580 --> 00:05:25,760 I wondered about my biological father. 104 00:05:25,760 --> 00:05:26,510 Where was he? 105 00:05:26,510 --> 00:05:27,800 Was he alive? 106 00:05:27,800 --> 00:05:30,190 Was he healthy? 107 00:05:30,190 --> 00:05:31,540 What did he look like? 108 00:05:31,540 --> 00:05:33,350 What was he like? 109 00:05:33,350 --> 00:05:35,200 What did he sound like? 110 00:05:35,200 --> 00:05:37,246 Do I get my voice from him? 111 00:05:37,246 --> 00:05:39,925 Do I get my looks from him, my height, my eyebrows? 112 00:05:42,920 --> 00:05:44,030 I always wondered. 113 00:05:44,030 --> 00:05:47,990 I tried to put together a textured life 114 00:05:47,990 --> 00:05:50,780 from the facts I got from my mother, 115 00:05:50,780 --> 00:05:53,060 that he was an activist. 116 00:05:53,060 --> 00:05:57,380 They met on Martin Luther King's Poor People's Campaign. 117 00:05:57,380 --> 00:05:59,450 They had chained themselves to a hospital that 118 00:05:59,450 --> 00:06:02,480 was segregated to try to integrate the hospital, 119 00:06:02,480 --> 00:06:06,290 that he might have had a collapsed lung, that she 120 00:06:06,290 --> 00:06:08,810 thought he had two sons and was going through a separation 121 00:06:08,810 --> 00:06:13,445 or divorce, that he was angry often. 122 00:06:16,700 --> 00:06:18,560 But back then, it was hard to find him. 123 00:06:18,560 --> 00:06:21,658 I used to check the obituaries in Long Island Newsday-- never 124 00:06:21,658 --> 00:06:22,200 saw his name. 125 00:06:22,200 --> 00:06:24,110 But I didn't even know where he lived. 126 00:06:24,110 --> 00:06:27,170 Fast forward a little bit. 127 00:06:27,170 --> 00:06:31,520 1994, I'm trained on a news clipping service, 128 00:06:31,520 --> 00:06:34,430 kind of like the Stone Age precursor to Google, 129 00:06:34,430 --> 00:06:35,720 LexisNexis machines. 130 00:06:35,720 --> 00:06:39,740 And what do I search for with my 10 free hours of training? 131 00:06:39,740 --> 00:06:43,970 I searched for the name I'd known my whole life 132 00:06:43,970 --> 00:06:46,580 and learned a lot. 133 00:06:46,580 --> 00:06:47,390 Tracked him down. 134 00:06:47,390 --> 00:06:49,940 Wrote him a letter. 135 00:06:49,940 --> 00:06:53,560 Didn't get a response, so I went to find him. 136 00:06:53,560 --> 00:06:55,650 And this is actually not the main story. 137 00:06:55,650 --> 00:07:00,410 But I went to find him and met him in Pennsylvania. 138 00:07:04,480 --> 00:07:08,730 And despite all my myth-making and fantasies, 139 00:07:08,730 --> 00:07:09,690 he was just a man. 140 00:07:12,320 --> 00:07:17,330 He was, frankly, as cautious as he 141 00:07:17,330 --> 00:07:20,780 may have been courageous, as fearful 142 00:07:20,780 --> 00:07:24,630 as he may have been ferocious. 143 00:07:24,630 --> 00:07:27,262 I don't think he knew what to do with me. 144 00:07:27,262 --> 00:07:29,470 I don't think I knew how to ask the questions that he 145 00:07:29,470 --> 00:07:30,262 knew how to answer. 146 00:07:32,890 --> 00:07:35,200 I did get some information. 147 00:07:35,200 --> 00:07:40,800 But I left there saying, he's just a man. 148 00:07:40,800 --> 00:07:43,260 And I went back a few times and had a few more times 149 00:07:43,260 --> 00:07:46,080 to exchange information with him. 150 00:07:46,080 --> 00:07:48,330 And I always imagined that someday he'd 151 00:07:48,330 --> 00:07:52,560 introduce me to his sons, and I'd learn more. 152 00:07:52,560 --> 00:07:53,640 But life is busy. 153 00:07:53,640 --> 00:07:56,940 And I had kids, and I went to law school, 154 00:07:56,940 --> 00:07:59,220 and things happened. 155 00:07:59,220 --> 00:08:00,900 And time went on, time went on. 156 00:08:00,900 --> 00:08:03,960 And one day, I think my wife had heard that her father had died. 157 00:08:03,960 --> 00:08:08,190 So I Googled my father's name and saw that he'd died. 158 00:08:08,190 --> 00:08:12,360 And I imagined again, someday I'll figure out his sons. 159 00:08:12,360 --> 00:08:18,270 Well, in 2017 my then 15-year-old son Miles, 160 00:08:18,270 --> 00:08:21,720 who some of you may have met, was really curious to know more 161 00:08:21,720 --> 00:08:25,500 about our biological heritage on my father's side, 162 00:08:25,500 --> 00:08:28,330 the Black side of the family. 163 00:08:28,330 --> 00:08:33,059 So I, candidly, got pretty obsessed. 164 00:08:33,059 --> 00:08:37,500 And the investigative power that exists now, 165 00:08:37,500 --> 00:08:41,523 with DNA testing, and Google, and LinkedIn, and Facebook, 166 00:08:41,523 --> 00:08:43,440 where everyone poses with their family members 167 00:08:43,440 --> 00:08:46,170 and tells you who their family is-- 168 00:08:46,170 --> 00:08:47,520 really quite powerful. 169 00:08:47,520 --> 00:08:52,600 And over the course of the past four years, 170 00:08:52,600 --> 00:08:59,200 I found those two brothers, found two more brothers, 171 00:08:59,200 --> 00:09:00,580 found three sisters. 172 00:09:03,460 --> 00:09:07,150 Now, I'm not going to say we're now one big happy family. 173 00:09:07,150 --> 00:09:09,700 Some of them are fabulous, and delighted, 174 00:09:09,700 --> 00:09:11,770 and overjoyed to have me connected, 175 00:09:11,770 --> 00:09:14,080 to have more people to love in the world. 176 00:09:14,080 --> 00:09:19,240 And others remain cautious, suspicious, not sure 177 00:09:19,240 --> 00:09:23,790 what I want, afraid I'm up to no good somehow, 178 00:09:23,790 --> 00:09:26,290 think there's something they can do for me that I'm seeking. 179 00:09:32,070 --> 00:09:37,770 But despite the rejections, I got so much more 180 00:09:37,770 --> 00:09:39,300 than I could possibly have bargained 181 00:09:39,300 --> 00:09:42,730 for, dozens and dozens of cousins, 182 00:09:42,730 --> 00:09:46,290 great siblings and their kids, new nephews and nieces. 183 00:09:46,290 --> 00:09:48,390 The gifts I've received far-- 184 00:09:48,390 --> 00:09:50,670 and the gifts of welcome that I've received far 185 00:09:50,670 --> 00:09:54,455 outweigh the pain of any rejection. 186 00:09:54,455 --> 00:09:55,830 So speaking of gifts, let me come 187 00:09:55,830 --> 00:10:00,090 back to what my brother shared with me two weeks ago tonight. 188 00:10:00,090 --> 00:10:04,230 It was a guest blog post from the Columbia University Press 189 00:10:04,230 --> 00:10:05,920 Blog. 190 00:10:05,920 --> 00:10:08,890 And it referenced a film, The Man in the Middle. 191 00:10:08,890 --> 00:10:12,140 And it talked about a Civil Rights activist. 192 00:10:12,140 --> 00:10:16,790 It was a 1966 police training video. 193 00:10:16,790 --> 00:10:21,370 So I wrote a quick email to Professor Steven Charbonneau 194 00:10:21,370 --> 00:10:23,080 at the Florida Atlantic University, 195 00:10:23,080 --> 00:10:25,540 who authored that blog post. 196 00:10:25,540 --> 00:10:27,970 He actually quickly and kindly sent me 197 00:10:27,970 --> 00:10:31,270 a chapter of his book, where he elaborates on that blog post. 198 00:10:31,270 --> 00:10:33,190 And then I work for a university. 199 00:10:33,190 --> 00:10:35,500 I can actually get a film in archives, 200 00:10:35,500 --> 00:10:38,620 get this 22-minute police-training video sent 201 00:10:38,620 --> 00:10:41,500 to the University of Virginia, or rights transferred 202 00:10:41,500 --> 00:10:44,440 to the University of Virginia, so that I could watch this. 203 00:10:44,440 --> 00:10:49,480 Now, let me tell you the surreal aspect of watching 204 00:10:49,480 --> 00:10:54,970 a 55-year-old film with a 30-year-old version 205 00:10:54,970 --> 00:11:01,000 of your father with a megaphone, commanding audiences, 206 00:11:01,000 --> 00:11:07,360 bigger audiences, walking across the street, 207 00:11:07,360 --> 00:11:12,732 talking to police and youth, urging the police to understand 208 00:11:12,732 --> 00:11:15,190 the perspective of the youth, and actually takes out a Life 209 00:11:15,190 --> 00:11:18,500 magazine, puts it on the floor, and is pointing to and saying, 210 00:11:18,500 --> 00:11:21,190 this is what kids are seeing, examples of police-- 211 00:11:21,190 --> 00:11:24,220 the police, the dog, and the abuse. 212 00:11:24,220 --> 00:11:26,950 It doesn't matter that it's in Selma, Alabama, or South 213 00:11:26,950 --> 00:11:28,210 Jamaica, Queens, New York. 214 00:11:28,210 --> 00:11:29,950 This is what they were seeing, urging 215 00:11:29,950 --> 00:11:31,870 people to take the perspective of others 216 00:11:31,870 --> 00:11:34,030 to understand what's going on. 217 00:11:34,030 --> 00:11:35,740 Now, some of you know my interest 218 00:11:35,740 --> 00:11:38,710 in fostering dialogue and conflict resolution. 219 00:11:38,710 --> 00:11:42,457 To see my biological father doing it 220 00:11:42,457 --> 00:11:43,540 was really quite profound. 221 00:11:46,800 --> 00:11:52,710 Now, also profound for my brother Damon. 222 00:11:52,710 --> 00:11:57,750 In the film, he sees his father and his father's wife, 223 00:11:57,750 --> 00:11:59,167 his mother. 224 00:11:59,167 --> 00:12:00,750 First time he saw that picture of them 225 00:12:00,750 --> 00:12:01,950 together other than their wedding picture 226 00:12:01,950 --> 00:12:03,700 because they, of course, did get divorced. 227 00:12:06,840 --> 00:12:18,100 As I realized that the message of my father about taking 228 00:12:18,100 --> 00:12:21,020 other people's perspectives-- 229 00:12:21,020 --> 00:12:23,530 I can apply that to my own new siblings 230 00:12:23,530 --> 00:12:28,030 as well, who lived 50-plus years of their own lives, 231 00:12:28,030 --> 00:12:31,600 and all of a sudden this overeager, somewhat obsessed 232 00:12:31,600 --> 00:12:35,500 brother comes knocking on the door to say, here I am. 233 00:12:35,500 --> 00:12:36,940 But it really does make me realize 234 00:12:36,940 --> 00:12:41,500 that as I now uncover more and more layers of ancestry 235 00:12:41,500 --> 00:12:45,910 and DNA, we're all family. 236 00:12:45,910 --> 00:12:47,320 Thank you. 237 00:12:47,320 --> 00:12:52,030 This year, I learned that heroes truly do exist. 238 00:12:52,030 --> 00:12:53,920 Some wear medical scrubs. 239 00:12:53,920 --> 00:12:58,510 Some fight villains with mops and with wipes. 240 00:12:58,510 --> 00:13:03,130 And some are angels truly walking among us. 241 00:13:03,130 --> 00:13:08,890 One of those angels, my uncle, Khalu Eltayieb Ahmed Elnaiem, 242 00:13:08,890 --> 00:13:12,610 got COVID-19 last year. 243 00:13:12,610 --> 00:13:16,930 December 18, 2020, was the last day of our first full semester 244 00:13:16,930 --> 00:13:18,970 during the pandemic. 245 00:13:18,970 --> 00:13:23,020 After I finished my last exam in a weird and empty Thornton 246 00:13:23,020 --> 00:13:25,330 Hall, I was ecstatic to celebrate that night. 247 00:13:25,330 --> 00:13:28,720 So I decided to do a Zoom call with some of my friends. 248 00:13:28,720 --> 00:13:31,870 Around 3:00 AM, I was just laying lazily on my couch, 249 00:13:31,870 --> 00:13:33,910 talking with their little box faces 250 00:13:33,910 --> 00:13:37,060 on my laptop, when all of a sudden I 251 00:13:37,060 --> 00:13:41,560 got a phone call from Sudan. 252 00:13:41,560 --> 00:13:45,250 That was weird, especially at that hour of the night. 253 00:13:45,250 --> 00:13:46,840 So I turned to my laptop. 254 00:13:46,840 --> 00:13:48,610 I told my friends, sorry, one second, 255 00:13:48,610 --> 00:13:51,025 I need to take this call, and muted myself. 256 00:13:53,580 --> 00:13:55,890 Then I stared at my phone for a bit. 257 00:13:55,890 --> 00:13:57,990 And thoughts raced through my mind 258 00:13:57,990 --> 00:14:02,250 about what might be happening because whatever this was, 259 00:14:02,250 --> 00:14:04,980 it wasn't good. 260 00:14:04,980 --> 00:14:07,200 I answered the call to my cousin Aaliyah 261 00:14:07,200 --> 00:14:09,840 and heard her speak to me over a background 262 00:14:09,840 --> 00:14:12,090 of wailing and sobbing. 263 00:14:12,090 --> 00:14:18,780 December 18, 2020, my angel, Khalu Eltayieb Ahmed Elnaiem, gained his wings 264 00:14:18,780 --> 00:14:21,717 and returned to the sky. 265 00:14:21,717 --> 00:14:23,550 Now, I'm telling you all that he's an angel. 266 00:14:23,550 --> 00:14:25,342 And I recognize most of you don't know him. 267 00:14:25,342 --> 00:14:28,650 So I'll tell you a bit about why he's so special. 268 00:14:28,650 --> 00:14:34,560 Khalu Eltayieb was born in April of 1954 in my home village of Almaghaweir, Sudan. 269 00:14:34,560 --> 00:14:36,720 My mom used to tell me stories growing up 270 00:14:36,720 --> 00:14:42,510 about how he was a jokester, about his tomfoolery, 271 00:14:42,510 --> 00:14:45,630 but also of his pure heart, as he 272 00:14:45,630 --> 00:14:49,860 used to give so much to my grandmother, Haboba Aisha. 273 00:14:49,860 --> 00:14:52,800 Around 21 years old, he left Sudan to study medicine 274 00:14:52,800 --> 00:14:55,080 in Pakistan, and then return to be 275 00:14:55,080 --> 00:14:57,660 a doctor throughout the country, and to provide food 276 00:14:57,660 --> 00:14:59,610 during the famine. 277 00:14:59,610 --> 00:15:02,160 After that, he moved to England and then Saudi Arabia 278 00:15:02,160 --> 00:15:06,220 to practice orthopedic surgery. 279 00:15:06,220 --> 00:15:10,260 All of my fondest memories in life are thanks to Khalu Eltayieb. 280 00:15:10,260 --> 00:15:13,230 When I was 13, he organized a trip for my family and I 281 00:15:13,230 --> 00:15:16,470 to go to Bahrain, where he lavished us every night 282 00:15:16,470 --> 00:15:18,300 that we were with him. 283 00:15:18,300 --> 00:15:21,300 The summer before my first year, he put together a trip for us 284 00:15:21,300 --> 00:15:22,800 to go to England and Scotland, where 285 00:15:22,800 --> 00:15:24,660 we got to meet his old friends. 286 00:15:24,660 --> 00:15:28,350 And the winter of 2019, he organized this massive family 287 00:15:28,350 --> 00:15:31,860 reunion for all of us to go to Sudan for my cousin's wedding, 288 00:15:31,860 --> 00:15:34,500 where he put together a beautiful boat ride for us 289 00:15:34,500 --> 00:15:35,415 up the River Nile. 290 00:15:38,230 --> 00:15:41,410 The amazing thing about him is that his love 291 00:15:41,410 --> 00:15:44,270 and his generosity are boundless. 292 00:15:44,270 --> 00:15:47,110 See, for years now, I've been seeing my family crumble 293 00:15:47,110 --> 00:15:48,640 in front of me. 294 00:15:48,640 --> 00:15:50,900 Khalu Eltayieb couldn't just watch this happen. 295 00:15:50,900 --> 00:15:54,520 He invested in us so that we had a reason to still feel joy. 296 00:15:54,520 --> 00:15:56,320 And I learned recently he didn't just 297 00:15:56,320 --> 00:15:58,730 do this for me and my family. 298 00:15:58,730 --> 00:16:03,130 He did this for dozens, if not hundreds, of other people. 299 00:16:03,130 --> 00:16:04,630 Although he lived in Saudi Arabia, 300 00:16:04,630 --> 00:16:07,360 he constantly went to Sudan and took medicine, 301 00:16:07,360 --> 00:16:10,510 going door to door, serving anyone who called on him. 302 00:16:10,510 --> 00:16:13,030 My most recent memories with him are 303 00:16:13,030 --> 00:16:16,780 working on his nonprofit, SEDSO, the Sudan Education Supporting 304 00:16:16,780 --> 00:16:18,040 Organization. 305 00:16:18,040 --> 00:16:20,620 The fall of my first year, he messaged me on WhatsApp, 306 00:16:20,620 --> 00:16:22,370 asking me if I could help him put together 307 00:16:22,370 --> 00:16:26,710 a GoFundMe because 24 school children in Almanaseer, Sudan, 308 00:16:26,710 --> 00:16:30,490 drowned when taking a boat on their way to school. 309 00:16:30,490 --> 00:16:32,590 Just like he couldn't see my family suffer, 310 00:16:32,590 --> 00:16:34,420 he couldn't watch this community suffer. 311 00:16:34,420 --> 00:16:36,100 So he organized a group of people 312 00:16:36,100 --> 00:16:39,460 to build a school in Almanaseer so the children wouldn't 313 00:16:39,460 --> 00:16:42,460 have to travel as far for their education. 314 00:16:42,460 --> 00:16:45,190 He then took that active service and grew it 315 00:16:45,190 --> 00:16:49,000 to an entire organization, which has now built over 50 schools 316 00:16:49,000 --> 00:16:52,780 throughout some of the most under-resourced areas in Sudan. 317 00:16:52,780 --> 00:16:54,220 It is really remarkable. 318 00:16:56,800 --> 00:17:01,420 Today, I attempt to live my life in the legacy of Khalu Eltayieb. 319 00:17:01,420 --> 00:17:07,880 All I want, all I aspire for is to be kind and to serve others. 320 00:17:07,880 --> 00:17:10,119 And I think about him in my daily actions. 321 00:17:10,119 --> 00:17:11,890 When I host people in my lawn room, 322 00:17:11,890 --> 00:17:13,630 I think about how much joy it brought me 323 00:17:13,630 --> 00:17:15,099 when he hosted me in Bahrain. 324 00:17:15,099 --> 00:17:17,410 And I think about how I can reciprocate that warmth 325 00:17:17,410 --> 00:17:19,780 to others so they can feel joy, no matter what's 326 00:17:19,780 --> 00:17:21,670 going on in their life. 327 00:17:21,670 --> 00:17:23,140 When I engage with people, I think 328 00:17:23,140 --> 00:17:26,079 about how I can acknowledge and then serve everyone 329 00:17:26,079 --> 00:17:29,800 that I meet, just as he kept on giving, and giving, 330 00:17:29,800 --> 00:17:33,880 and giving to hundreds of patients and to schoolchildren. 331 00:17:33,880 --> 00:17:36,680 And when I am engaging in my community, 332 00:17:36,680 --> 00:17:38,980 whether it's organizing in the engineering school 333 00:17:38,980 --> 00:17:41,710 or it's organizing in Multicultural Student Services, 334 00:17:41,710 --> 00:17:43,450 I think about how I can rally people 335 00:17:43,450 --> 00:17:45,400 to serve those who need it most, just 336 00:17:45,400 --> 00:17:48,610 as my uncle did with his NGO, or in his nonprofit. 337 00:17:52,510 --> 00:17:55,720 I really regret that I didn't tell my uncle that I loved him. 338 00:17:55,720 --> 00:17:58,060 I didn't tell him how much I admired him 339 00:17:58,060 --> 00:17:59,620 when he was still around. 340 00:17:59,620 --> 00:18:01,540 I didn't thank him for all the trips. 341 00:18:01,540 --> 00:18:03,670 I didn't tell him how much his dedication to people 342 00:18:03,670 --> 00:18:04,510 meant to me. 343 00:18:04,510 --> 00:18:07,930 And now I live with pain because it's too late. 344 00:18:07,930 --> 00:18:10,450 So another lesson that I learned from Khalu Eltayieb 345 00:18:10,450 --> 00:18:13,630 is to not withhold love and to not withhold gratitude, 346 00:18:13,630 --> 00:18:18,940 because the opportunity to give it is fleeting. 347 00:18:18,940 --> 00:18:21,250 Last week, when I was walking to my lawn room, 348 00:18:21,250 --> 00:18:23,470 I found a white rose and a letter 349 00:18:23,470 --> 00:18:25,480 sitting outside of the door. 350 00:18:25,480 --> 00:18:27,880 And it was a letter from the Angels Society, 351 00:18:27,880 --> 00:18:30,520 thanking me for my commitment to my friends, 352 00:18:30,520 --> 00:18:34,030 for supporting my community, and for grounding myself 353 00:18:34,030 --> 00:18:35,960 in compassion. 354 00:18:35,960 --> 00:18:39,610 Khalu Eltayieb, as you listen from above, I want to thank you. 355 00:18:39,610 --> 00:18:42,550 And I want you to know that so much of how I live my life 356 00:18:42,550 --> 00:18:46,000 is with thanks to you. 357 00:18:46,000 --> 00:18:50,268 Many mornings, I wake up, and I don't want to get out of bed. 358 00:18:50,268 --> 00:18:52,060 I don't want to go into a day that is going 359 00:18:52,060 --> 00:18:53,980 to be draining and tiring. 360 00:18:53,980 --> 00:18:57,640 And I don't want to go into a world without Khalu Eltayieb. 361 00:18:57,640 --> 00:18:59,710 In those moments, I reach for my phone. 362 00:18:59,710 --> 00:19:03,130 And I play a song that reminds me of him. 363 00:19:03,130 --> 00:19:07,240 In Arabic, the song goes like this. 364 00:19:07,240 --> 00:19:08,830 [SINGING] 365 00:19:34,540 --> 00:19:37,150 And in English, that translates to, 366 00:19:37,150 --> 00:19:40,600 may you find good and reward in this world. 367 00:19:40,600 --> 00:19:42,520 May you taste blessings. 368 00:19:42,520 --> 00:19:44,410 And may you taste peace. 369 00:19:44,410 --> 00:19:48,280 May God increase the good in your life. 370 00:19:48,280 --> 00:19:50,440 Live on, Khalu Eltayieb, the Good One. 371 00:19:50,440 --> 00:19:53,230 You are always within us and close to us. 372 00:19:53,230 --> 00:19:54,760 Live on, the Good One. 373 00:19:54,760 --> 00:19:58,670 You are always within us and close to us. 374 00:19:58,670 --> 00:20:01,540 Thank you, Khalu Eltayieb for teaching me how to serve, 375 00:20:01,540 --> 00:20:03,310 how to be selfless. 376 00:20:03,310 --> 00:20:06,850 Thank you for teaching me how to live without restraining love 377 00:20:06,850 --> 00:20:08,510 and gratitude. 378 00:20:08,510 --> 00:20:12,610 Thank you for teaching me what it means to be a true hero. 379 00:20:12,610 --> 00:20:16,420 I love you, and I pray that your legacy lives on within me. 380 00:20:16,420 --> 00:20:17,290 Thank you. 381 00:20:17,290 --> 00:20:18,650 Good evening. 382 00:20:18,650 --> 00:20:20,710 My name is Ken Elzinga. 383 00:20:20,710 --> 00:20:23,800 And this is my Double Take. 384 00:20:23,800 --> 00:20:26,050 I've been on the faculty at the University of Virginia 385 00:20:26,050 --> 00:20:27,680 for many years. 386 00:20:27,680 --> 00:20:29,710 And I'm told I've taught more students 387 00:20:29,710 --> 00:20:32,710 than any professor in the history of the university, 388 00:20:32,710 --> 00:20:35,710 somewhere around 50,000. 389 00:20:35,710 --> 00:20:38,380 And yet with all my years at UVA, 390 00:20:38,380 --> 00:20:42,130 there's something that most of my students, and frankly many 391 00:20:42,130 --> 00:20:45,280 of my colleagues, do not know about me. 392 00:20:45,280 --> 00:20:47,530 And that is I'm a widower. 393 00:20:47,530 --> 00:20:52,220 My wife Terry and I have been married for about four decades. 394 00:20:52,220 --> 00:20:53,890 But when I first joined the faculty 395 00:20:53,890 --> 00:20:56,050 at the University of Virginia, I was 396 00:20:56,050 --> 00:20:59,230 newly married to a woman named Barbara. 397 00:20:59,230 --> 00:21:04,060 We were not married very long because Barbara died of cancer. 398 00:21:04,060 --> 00:21:09,910 Much of our brief marriage was spent with chemotherapy, 399 00:21:09,910 --> 00:21:15,220 remission, recurrence, radiation, remission, 400 00:21:15,220 --> 00:21:20,710 recurrence, until finally, it was the end. 401 00:21:20,710 --> 00:21:23,230 Barbara died of cancer at the UVA Hospital. 402 00:21:23,230 --> 00:21:26,170 She was only 33. 403 00:21:26,170 --> 00:21:28,300 Now, in the few years that we were at UVA, 404 00:21:28,300 --> 00:21:30,130 Barbara was a great friend to students. 405 00:21:30,130 --> 00:21:33,010 I can remember coming home, seeing cars in the driveway, 406 00:21:33,010 --> 00:21:35,890 thinking these were students here to see me. 407 00:21:35,890 --> 00:21:38,410 But in walking in the house, I learned that they were there 408 00:21:38,410 --> 00:21:40,240 to see my wife. 409 00:21:40,240 --> 00:21:44,750 Hundreds of people attended Barbara's memorial service, 410 00:21:44,750 --> 00:21:47,830 which was a distinctly Christian service. 411 00:21:47,830 --> 00:21:50,830 I had become a Christian in graduate school. 412 00:21:50,830 --> 00:21:53,080 Barbara had become a Christian through the ministry 413 00:21:53,080 --> 00:21:56,200 of an evangelist named Billy Graham. 414 00:21:56,200 --> 00:21:59,530 So what is my Double Take? 415 00:21:59,530 --> 00:22:02,470 The invitation to give this talk, especially talking 416 00:22:02,470 --> 00:22:06,640 with Matt about this, brought back memories of something 417 00:22:06,640 --> 00:22:09,460 that I had not thought about for a while. 418 00:22:09,460 --> 00:22:12,310 Barbara's death was very difficult for me. 419 00:22:12,310 --> 00:22:14,890 But what struck me at the time, and which 420 00:22:14,890 --> 00:22:18,460 I have revisited for this talk, is that I was never 421 00:22:18,460 --> 00:22:20,920 angry with God. 422 00:22:20,920 --> 00:22:23,410 And frankly, this puzzled me. 423 00:22:23,410 --> 00:22:28,720 And let me try and explain why anger with God never set in. 424 00:22:28,720 --> 00:22:30,880 As a follower of Jesus, I had a high view 425 00:22:30,880 --> 00:22:33,220 of the Christian Scriptures. 426 00:22:33,220 --> 00:22:35,620 And there's a passage in the Book of Job 427 00:22:35,620 --> 00:22:37,570 that goes like this. 428 00:22:37,570 --> 00:22:39,010 The Lord giveth. 429 00:22:39,010 --> 00:22:41,200 The Lord taketh away. 430 00:22:41,200 --> 00:22:44,770 Blessed be the name of the Lord. 431 00:22:44,770 --> 00:22:49,450 And this verse drove home to me that while Barbara was my wife, 432 00:22:49,450 --> 00:22:51,490 she didn't belong to me. 433 00:22:51,490 --> 00:22:54,670 She belonged, in life and in death, 434 00:22:54,670 --> 00:22:57,640 to her Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. 435 00:22:57,640 --> 00:23:01,420 And I had to recognize that the Lord had taken away. 436 00:23:01,420 --> 00:23:07,180 And then at that time, a black swan event happened in my life. 437 00:23:07,180 --> 00:23:10,600 An antitrust attorney, not at Latham & Watkins 438 00:23:10,600 --> 00:23:15,290 but at Arnold & Porter, did something very unusual. 439 00:23:15,290 --> 00:23:17,950 This partner at this distinguished law firm 440 00:23:17,950 --> 00:23:21,820 had a small plaque made and sent to me 441 00:23:21,820 --> 00:23:25,720 out of the blue with a Bible verse on it. 442 00:23:25,720 --> 00:23:27,910 And it's a Bible verse I'm sure I had seen before. 443 00:23:27,910 --> 00:23:30,490 But I had never paid any attention to it. 444 00:23:30,490 --> 00:23:33,100 It's from Psalm 116. 445 00:23:33,100 --> 00:23:36,880 And the verse reads, "Precious in the sight of the Lord 446 00:23:36,880 --> 00:23:40,270 is the death of His saints." 447 00:23:40,270 --> 00:23:42,280 Now, I don't pretend to understand that verse, 448 00:23:42,280 --> 00:23:43,210 even to this day. 449 00:23:43,210 --> 00:23:45,490 But it brought comfort to me. 450 00:23:45,490 --> 00:23:47,860 My wife's death was not precious to me. 451 00:23:47,860 --> 00:23:51,700 But somehow, in the mystery of the Heavenlies, 452 00:23:51,700 --> 00:23:57,250 it was precious to my wife's Lord. 453 00:23:57,250 --> 00:24:00,520 And then the apostle Paul made an entrance. 454 00:24:00,520 --> 00:24:03,490 And the apostle Paul wrote to those Christians 455 00:24:03,490 --> 00:24:07,210 who were grieving about the death and the loss of others. 456 00:24:07,210 --> 00:24:11,380 He wrote, "We sorrow, but not as those who have no hope." 457 00:24:11,380 --> 00:24:13,870 "We sorrow, but not as those who have no hope." 458 00:24:13,870 --> 00:24:15,910 Now, most people, when they read that verse, 459 00:24:15,910 --> 00:24:18,880 they focus on the second part, the reference 460 00:24:18,880 --> 00:24:23,920 to the blessed hope, the hope that those who die in Christ, 461 00:24:23,920 --> 00:24:27,340 like my wife Barbara, will have eternal life in Heaven, 462 00:24:27,340 --> 00:24:28,660 with God. 463 00:24:28,660 --> 00:24:32,110 But the focus for me was on the front part of that verse, 464 00:24:32,110 --> 00:24:33,880 "we sorrow." 465 00:24:33,880 --> 00:24:37,030 "We sorrow"-- it's as though the apostle Paul said to me, 466 00:24:37,030 --> 00:24:41,140 Ken, the Christian faith is not about stoicism. 467 00:24:41,140 --> 00:24:45,760 The Christian faith does not endorse "big boys don't cry." 468 00:24:45,760 --> 00:24:50,410 The Christian faith endorses sorrow. 469 00:24:50,410 --> 00:24:54,010 And those combination of verses and other factors 470 00:24:54,010 --> 00:24:58,420 kept me from being angry with God. 471 00:24:58,420 --> 00:25:00,730 Now, I realize that what I've just said, particularly 472 00:25:00,730 --> 00:25:03,220 in an academic community like this, 473 00:25:03,220 --> 00:25:06,700 and no doubt to some of you, probably 474 00:25:06,700 --> 00:25:12,520 seems pollyannaish or delusional, in a Marxian term, 475 00:25:12,520 --> 00:25:15,520 an "opiate of the people" kind of stuff, 476 00:25:15,520 --> 00:25:18,820 or even religion as a crutch. 477 00:25:18,820 --> 00:25:21,760 It might surprise you how much I understand 478 00:25:21,760 --> 00:25:24,110 why you would think that. 479 00:25:24,110 --> 00:25:29,060 But this is why I'm not angry with the God of Abraham, Isaac, 480 00:25:29,060 --> 00:25:32,440 and Jacob, and for the triune God 481 00:25:32,440 --> 00:25:37,860 that I know as Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. 482 00:25:37,860 --> 00:25:41,850 My name is Ken Elzinga, and that was my Double Take. 483 00:25:41,850 --> 00:25:44,160 I think of myself as lucky-- 484 00:25:44,160 --> 00:25:46,830 well, maybe not that lucky, since I 485 00:25:46,830 --> 00:25:50,740 was diagnosed with a rare bone cancer when I was 16, 486 00:25:50,740 --> 00:25:53,520 but lucky since I am still here today. 487 00:25:53,520 --> 00:25:56,010 When trying to come up with what I wanted to speak about, 488 00:25:56,010 --> 00:25:57,360 I was stuck. 489 00:25:57,360 --> 00:25:59,130 I didn't feel like anything I learned 490 00:25:59,130 --> 00:26:01,770 was profound enough to tell my story. 491 00:26:01,770 --> 00:26:05,310 However, my father felt differently. 492 00:26:05,310 --> 00:26:08,370 He told me that I was a survivor. 493 00:26:08,370 --> 00:26:10,710 This made me mad, and I decided I officially 494 00:26:10,710 --> 00:26:13,020 did not want to tell my story. 495 00:26:13,020 --> 00:26:16,140 You see, I didn't do anything special to survive. 496 00:26:16,140 --> 00:26:18,840 And I certainly didn't do anything differently 497 00:26:18,840 --> 00:26:22,270 than my friends who passed away from the same disease. 498 00:26:22,270 --> 00:26:24,540 So what makes my story as a survivor 499 00:26:24,540 --> 00:26:26,460 meaningful in the first place? 500 00:26:26,460 --> 00:26:28,800 My friends who were given a terminal prognosis 501 00:26:28,800 --> 00:26:30,970 suffered far more than I did. 502 00:26:30,970 --> 00:26:35,160 They endured more rounds of chemotherapy, more surgeries, 503 00:26:35,160 --> 00:26:37,560 and more heartbreaking bad news. 504 00:26:37,560 --> 00:26:39,300 They should be here today giving you 505 00:26:39,300 --> 00:26:41,550 a life lesson instead of me. 506 00:26:41,550 --> 00:26:43,890 So I'm not going to tell you my story. 507 00:26:43,890 --> 00:26:47,340 I'm going to share with you what three friends of mine, all 508 00:26:47,340 --> 00:26:49,440 diagnosed with terminal osteosarcoma, 509 00:26:49,440 --> 00:26:52,660 taught me about life. 510 00:26:52,660 --> 00:26:54,900 I first met Kelly at physical therapy. 511 00:26:54,900 --> 00:26:57,990 She had just finished treatment, and I was just starting. 512 00:26:57,990 --> 00:27:01,380 I knew who she was because my parents and doctors kept 513 00:27:01,380 --> 00:27:02,970 trying to connect me with other kids 514 00:27:02,970 --> 00:27:06,060 with osteosarcoma to "talk about our feelings." 515 00:27:06,060 --> 00:27:08,370 But I really didn't want to. 516 00:27:08,370 --> 00:27:11,370 Our moms began talking about Kelly and I in front of us 517 00:27:11,370 --> 00:27:15,420 as if we weren't there, just like how moms do. 518 00:27:15,420 --> 00:27:17,640 And my mom mentioned I was getting really 519 00:27:17,640 --> 00:27:21,750 nauseous every time they would flush my IV line with saline. 520 00:27:21,750 --> 00:27:24,600 When I tasted the saline, my brain immediately connected it 521 00:27:24,600 --> 00:27:27,420 to chemo, and I would get sick. 522 00:27:27,420 --> 00:27:29,790 Kelly overheard my mom and piped up, 523 00:27:29,790 --> 00:27:32,130 saying that it was sort of a hospital secret, 524 00:27:32,130 --> 00:27:35,370 but the nurses have a secret stash of IV flushes 525 00:27:35,370 --> 00:27:36,420 without saline. 526 00:27:36,420 --> 00:27:39,420 But they only used them if you asked for it. 527 00:27:39,420 --> 00:27:41,970 It was through Kelly's advice that I understood 528 00:27:41,970 --> 00:27:44,610 the power of connecting with other people going 529 00:27:44,610 --> 00:27:46,890 through the same thing as you. 530 00:27:46,890 --> 00:27:48,813 Kelly and I quickly became friends. 531 00:27:48,813 --> 00:27:51,480 And she told me everything there was to know about the treatment 532 00:27:51,480 --> 00:27:53,190 road ahead of me. 533 00:27:53,190 --> 00:27:56,040 I'll be forever grateful for the guidance she gave me 534 00:27:56,040 --> 00:27:58,750 and what she taught me about being there for others, 535 00:27:58,750 --> 00:28:01,080 especially when someone is suffering. 536 00:28:01,080 --> 00:28:04,710 She gave me hope and made sure I knew she was there for me. 537 00:28:04,710 --> 00:28:07,410 Words cannot describe how much this shaped the rest 538 00:28:07,410 --> 00:28:09,150 of my treatment. 539 00:28:09,150 --> 00:28:12,870 And thanks to Kelly, I became friends with John. 540 00:28:12,870 --> 00:28:15,870 John was diagnosed a month after I finished treatment. 541 00:28:15,870 --> 00:28:19,290 And I like to think that I was his version of Kelly, telling 542 00:28:19,290 --> 00:28:23,160 him what to expect and the ins and outs of the hospital. 543 00:28:23,160 --> 00:28:26,880 John was my osteo friend that I knew the longest. 544 00:28:26,880 --> 00:28:29,730 I could talk about the time we were invited to the White House 545 00:28:29,730 --> 00:28:31,830 to meet with former Vice President Pence 546 00:28:31,830 --> 00:28:34,470 to talk about a new cancer bill, and instead 547 00:28:34,470 --> 00:28:37,140 spent 15 minutes trying to convince Pence to shave 548 00:28:37,140 --> 00:28:39,510 his head for Cancer Awareness. 549 00:28:39,510 --> 00:28:41,580 [CHUCKLING] 550 00:28:41,580 --> 00:28:44,220 He didn't end up doing it-- 551 00:28:44,220 --> 00:28:46,410 or about all the illegal schemes we came up 552 00:28:46,410 --> 00:28:49,110 with because everyone knows you can't arrest or put 553 00:28:49,110 --> 00:28:52,740 a kid with cancer in jail. 554 00:28:52,740 --> 00:28:54,390 John taught me so much. 555 00:28:54,390 --> 00:28:56,430 But the most meaningful thing he taught me 556 00:28:56,430 --> 00:28:58,080 was to look at the world in a broader 557 00:28:58,080 --> 00:29:00,630 perspective than yourself, and to have empathy 558 00:29:00,630 --> 00:29:05,280 for those around you, always, even when you were suffering. 559 00:29:05,280 --> 00:29:08,790 Around the same time John was given a terminal prognosis, 560 00:29:08,790 --> 00:29:11,790 I was told I would have to have my entire knee 561 00:29:11,790 --> 00:29:15,270 and parts of my tibia and femur replaced, again, 562 00:29:15,270 --> 00:29:18,600 due to an infection on my metal prosthesis. 563 00:29:18,600 --> 00:29:21,630 I tried to hide this from him, since what he was going through 564 00:29:21,630 --> 00:29:23,220 was so much worse. 565 00:29:23,220 --> 00:29:25,920 But every single day, he asked how I was feeling 566 00:29:25,920 --> 00:29:27,870 and how my leg was doing. 567 00:29:27,870 --> 00:29:29,820 Instead of comparing our suffering 568 00:29:29,820 --> 00:29:32,310 and being bitter about the unfairness of the world, 569 00:29:32,310 --> 00:29:35,580 he just wanted to make sure I was all right. 570 00:29:35,580 --> 00:29:38,010 The night before my surgery, John and I 571 00:29:38,010 --> 00:29:40,110 went to a Capitals hockey game. 572 00:29:40,110 --> 00:29:41,580 And when I walked into the building 573 00:29:41,580 --> 00:29:43,470 the metal detector went off. 574 00:29:43,470 --> 00:29:45,030 I explained to the security guards 575 00:29:45,030 --> 00:29:47,490 that I had metal in my leg. 576 00:29:47,490 --> 00:29:50,370 John went through next, and the alarm went off again. 577 00:29:50,370 --> 00:29:54,780 John explained how he, too, also had metal in his leg. 578 00:29:54,780 --> 00:29:57,000 The eyed us suspiciously. 579 00:29:57,000 --> 00:29:59,100 What are the odds that two 19-year-olds 580 00:29:59,100 --> 00:30:01,440 both have large metal implants in their legs? 581 00:30:01,440 --> 00:30:04,020 He definitely thought we were up to something. 582 00:30:04,020 --> 00:30:04,890 We laughed. 583 00:30:04,890 --> 00:30:06,330 This was something that could only 584 00:30:06,330 --> 00:30:09,090 happen to us being together. 585 00:30:09,090 --> 00:30:10,830 We had so much fun at the game. 586 00:30:10,830 --> 00:30:13,440 And I remember being so amazed at his perspective 587 00:30:13,440 --> 00:30:18,210 on life, his constant smile, and his ability to focus on others. 588 00:30:18,210 --> 00:30:21,330 He was always thinking beyond himself. 589 00:30:21,330 --> 00:30:24,630 The next morning, I went in for surgery, only to awake 590 00:30:24,630 --> 00:30:28,440 eight hours later and learn that John had passed away. 591 00:30:28,440 --> 00:30:33,660 Not a day goes by that I don't think about our friendship. 592 00:30:33,660 --> 00:30:36,210 The last friend I want to talk about is Charlotte. 593 00:30:36,210 --> 00:30:38,480 When Charlotte and I first met, we quickly 594 00:30:38,480 --> 00:30:40,520 realized we both had twin brothers, which 595 00:30:40,520 --> 00:30:42,745 gave us a lot to talk about. 596 00:30:42,745 --> 00:30:44,120 Our friendship might have started 597 00:30:44,120 --> 00:30:47,120 because we had the same cancer, but that was not at all why 598 00:30:47,120 --> 00:30:49,160 we got along so well. 599 00:30:49,160 --> 00:30:51,110 Since Charlotte lived in California, 600 00:30:51,110 --> 00:30:54,560 I didn't get to meet her in person until she came to UVA. 601 00:30:54,560 --> 00:30:56,930 She was probably the most excited and optimistic person 602 00:30:56,930 --> 00:30:58,680 I had ever met. 603 00:30:58,680 --> 00:31:01,280 What Charlotte taught me is to never let 604 00:31:01,280 --> 00:31:05,390 anything stop you from living life the way you want to. 605 00:31:05,390 --> 00:31:07,495 Days before Charlotte passed away, 606 00:31:07,495 --> 00:31:08,870 she was talking about how excited 607 00:31:08,870 --> 00:31:11,160 she was for her senior year of high school, 608 00:31:11,160 --> 00:31:14,720 and that she was working hard on her UVA application. 609 00:31:14,720 --> 00:31:16,880 UVA was her top choice and she decided 610 00:31:16,880 --> 00:31:19,550 to apply early decision here. 611 00:31:19,550 --> 00:31:22,160 Charlotte wasn't going to let anything, even a terminal 612 00:31:22,160 --> 00:31:25,970 prognosis, stand in the way of her being excited about life 613 00:31:25,970 --> 00:31:27,860 and what the future might hold. 614 00:31:27,860 --> 00:31:30,620 She was still going to write her college essay. 615 00:31:30,620 --> 00:31:32,360 She taught me the importance of living 616 00:31:32,360 --> 00:31:35,720 the life you want to live, even in the face of adversity. 617 00:31:35,720 --> 00:31:37,400 And when I walk around grounds, I 618 00:31:37,400 --> 00:31:38,930 can't help but think of how much she 619 00:31:38,930 --> 00:31:40,180 would have contributed to UVA. 620 00:31:42,830 --> 00:31:46,250 Now, back to survivorship, and what it means to survive. 621 00:31:46,250 --> 00:31:48,350 When it comes to cancer, I'm not sure 622 00:31:48,350 --> 00:31:51,020 surviving means anything more than being lucky 623 00:31:51,020 --> 00:31:53,750 that you had access to treatment and that your body happened 624 00:31:53,750 --> 00:31:55,430 to respond well. 625 00:31:55,430 --> 00:31:57,800 I didn't survive a week in the wilderness like some guy 626 00:31:57,800 --> 00:32:00,350 from a survivalist show who escapes bears or eats 627 00:32:00,350 --> 00:32:01,580 gross bugs. 628 00:32:01,580 --> 00:32:04,700 Anyone who knows me knows I would never survive 629 00:32:04,700 --> 00:32:06,830 a week alone in the woods. 630 00:32:06,830 --> 00:32:09,500 No, I got really sick in a hospital bed, 631 00:32:09,500 --> 00:32:12,140 and luckily, the medicine worked. 632 00:32:12,140 --> 00:32:14,452 Although I don't think surviving means much, 633 00:32:14,452 --> 00:32:16,160 I do think there are ways that I can make 634 00:32:16,160 --> 00:32:18,170 my survivorship meaningful. 635 00:32:18,170 --> 00:32:21,530 To me, this means living every day the way 636 00:32:21,530 --> 00:32:24,680 Kelly, John, and Charlotte lived theirs. 637 00:32:24,680 --> 00:32:26,390 I want to form powerful relationships 638 00:32:26,390 --> 00:32:28,820 with people, especially with those who might be 639 00:32:28,820 --> 00:32:30,620 going through the same thing. 640 00:32:30,620 --> 00:32:33,500 I want to have a perspective outside of myself that 641 00:32:33,500 --> 00:32:35,900 sees the bigger picture and is able to always 642 00:32:35,900 --> 00:32:37,520 be thinking of others. 643 00:32:37,520 --> 00:32:39,830 And lastly, I want to live my life 644 00:32:39,830 --> 00:32:42,500 with purpose, the way I choose, and without letting 645 00:32:42,500 --> 00:32:44,300 anything stop me. 646 00:32:44,300 --> 00:32:46,730 If I can live my life with these lessons learned 647 00:32:46,730 --> 00:32:50,670 from these beautiful and brave human beings, only then will 648 00:32:50,670 --> 00:32:54,350 I believe that survivorship is meaningful. 649 00:32:54,350 --> 00:32:55,470 Hello, everyone. 650 00:32:55,470 --> 00:32:56,240 I'm Huynh. 651 00:32:56,240 --> 00:32:58,760 I'm an international transfer student from Vietnam. 652 00:32:58,760 --> 00:33:02,000 And I have recently transferred from a university in Italy. 653 00:33:02,000 --> 00:33:02,990 It's a very long road. 654 00:33:02,990 --> 00:33:05,030 I'm here to share with you the transfer process 655 00:33:05,030 --> 00:33:08,720 because it was truly transformative and a little bit 656 00:33:08,720 --> 00:33:09,800 unorthodox. 657 00:33:09,800 --> 00:33:11,330 Why? 658 00:33:11,330 --> 00:33:13,670 Because I did it without the knowledge of my parents. 659 00:33:13,670 --> 00:33:15,140 My parents didn't know. 660 00:33:15,140 --> 00:33:17,210 And, no, I didn't hide it from them 661 00:33:17,210 --> 00:33:18,770 because I was afraid of jinxing it 662 00:33:18,770 --> 00:33:21,650 or I was afraid of pressure or anything. 663 00:33:21,650 --> 00:33:23,210 I hid it away from them because they 664 00:33:23,210 --> 00:33:25,160 didn't allow me to transfer. 665 00:33:25,160 --> 00:33:28,670 They had very good reasons for not wanting me to go to the US. 666 00:33:28,670 --> 00:33:32,000 They think that the US is a tad bit dangerous for someone a tad 667 00:33:32,000 --> 00:33:34,460 bit eccentric like me. 668 00:33:34,460 --> 00:33:37,070 They think that Europe is much closer to Vietnam, 669 00:33:37,070 --> 00:33:39,260 so they can visit me more often. 670 00:33:39,260 --> 00:33:41,930 And most importantly, I've always 671 00:33:41,930 --> 00:33:43,160 been an academic underdog. 672 00:33:43,160 --> 00:33:47,060 I fell short here and there, and they saw me that way. 673 00:33:47,060 --> 00:33:49,820 And they thought that I couldn't get into a good US college. 674 00:33:49,820 --> 00:33:53,170 And even if I could, I wouldn't thrive in one. 675 00:33:53,170 --> 00:33:55,090 I, on the other hand, have very good reasons 676 00:33:55,090 --> 00:33:56,830 for wanting to go to US. 677 00:33:56,830 --> 00:33:59,620 The number one reason is that my English is 678 00:33:59,620 --> 00:34:00,880 much better than my Italian-- 679 00:34:00,880 --> 00:34:03,597 mamma mia. 680 00:34:03,597 --> 00:34:06,400 [CHUCKLING] 681 00:34:06,400 --> 00:34:08,920 But all jokes aside, the real reason 682 00:34:08,920 --> 00:34:11,980 that I wanted to go to the US is that I wanted 683 00:34:11,980 --> 00:34:14,650 a liberal education, an education that 684 00:34:14,650 --> 00:34:16,914 takes my unique experience and my unique background 685 00:34:16,914 --> 00:34:18,340 into consideration. 686 00:34:18,340 --> 00:34:21,670 It's all about individuality and intellectual independence 687 00:34:21,670 --> 00:34:22,360 for me. 688 00:34:22,360 --> 00:34:25,659 And I really saw the US that way, and I really wanted to go. 689 00:34:25,659 --> 00:34:27,429 So we sat down. 690 00:34:27,429 --> 00:34:28,900 We talked about it a few times. 691 00:34:28,900 --> 00:34:30,940 In the end, the answer was still no. 692 00:34:30,940 --> 00:34:33,489 And they told me, Huynh, you're not old enough 693 00:34:33,489 --> 00:34:34,510 to make these decisions. 694 00:34:34,510 --> 00:34:36,520 Be grateful for what you have. 695 00:34:36,520 --> 00:34:38,080 Don't throw away your shot. 696 00:34:38,080 --> 00:34:39,927 And do any of you get really annoyed 697 00:34:39,927 --> 00:34:41,469 when your parents tell you you're not 698 00:34:41,469 --> 00:34:44,110 old enough to do something or to decide something? 699 00:34:44,110 --> 00:34:46,330 I was extremely annoyed. 700 00:34:46,330 --> 00:34:48,199 So what did I do next? 701 00:34:48,199 --> 00:34:51,699 The mature thing to do was to either listen to them, 702 00:34:51,699 --> 00:34:53,980 sit down and talk it out, or agree 703 00:34:53,980 --> 00:34:55,870 to disagree at the very least. 704 00:34:55,870 --> 00:34:57,970 And as you can guess, I did the opposite. 705 00:34:57,970 --> 00:34:59,133 I didn't listen to them. 706 00:34:59,133 --> 00:35:00,550 I didn't sit down and talk it out. 707 00:35:00,550 --> 00:35:03,460 And I disagreed to disagree. 708 00:35:03,460 --> 00:35:05,440 To put it blatantly, I lied to them, 709 00:35:05,440 --> 00:35:08,710 and I continued the transfer process behind their backs. 710 00:35:08,710 --> 00:35:09,868 And it was tough. 711 00:35:09,868 --> 00:35:11,410 It was really tough, I'm telling you. 712 00:35:11,410 --> 00:35:13,280 So COVID was happening at the time. 713 00:35:13,280 --> 00:35:15,700 So I had to stay in Vietnam and do the online semester 714 00:35:15,700 --> 00:35:17,740 and then do the whole sneaking around. 715 00:35:17,740 --> 00:35:22,060 And also, it was such a challenging endeavor 716 00:35:22,060 --> 00:35:24,700 to undertake without the support of my parents, 717 00:35:24,700 --> 00:35:27,220 without their advice, without their guidance, 718 00:35:27,220 --> 00:35:29,440 without all of their resources. 719 00:35:29,440 --> 00:35:30,340 But I managed. 720 00:35:30,340 --> 00:35:32,830 For the first half of application season, 721 00:35:32,830 --> 00:35:34,540 I managed really well. 722 00:35:34,540 --> 00:35:38,050 But then the SAT and the College Board came around. 723 00:35:38,050 --> 00:35:39,940 So you've probably heard stories about how 724 00:35:39,940 --> 00:35:42,040 the SAT and the College Board crush ambitions 725 00:35:42,040 --> 00:35:43,180 of college applicants. 726 00:35:43,180 --> 00:35:47,650 But the way they did me in was just unexpected. 727 00:35:47,650 --> 00:35:50,020 So I was registering for the SAT 2. 728 00:35:50,020 --> 00:35:54,170 And there's this little box called CC a Parent. 729 00:35:54,170 --> 00:35:56,410 And if you tick that box, they will 730 00:35:56,410 --> 00:35:58,750 send a copy of your test registration 731 00:35:58,750 --> 00:36:00,460 straight to your parent's inbox. 732 00:36:00,460 --> 00:36:02,950 And I've already ticked that and filled in the emails 733 00:36:02,950 --> 00:36:05,980 when I registered for the SAT 1 the first time around. 734 00:36:05,980 --> 00:36:08,470 And that's how they found out. 735 00:36:08,470 --> 00:36:11,320 It's very ironic, very, very ironic. 736 00:36:11,320 --> 00:36:16,040 And I can almost laugh about it, if not for what happens next. 737 00:36:16,040 --> 00:36:18,870 So the gist was up. 738 00:36:18,870 --> 00:36:22,140 And I was surprised that it ran for this long 739 00:36:22,140 --> 00:36:24,867 because my parents would always know when I'm up to something 740 00:36:24,867 --> 00:36:25,950 or when I'm lying to them. 741 00:36:25,950 --> 00:36:28,600 And maybe that's why they were so 742 00:36:28,600 --> 00:36:31,120 hurt when they found out that they had been lied to. 743 00:36:31,120 --> 00:36:32,950 The night that my mother found out, 744 00:36:32,950 --> 00:36:36,440 she and I had one of the biggest arguments of our lives. 745 00:36:36,440 --> 00:36:38,920 She called me immature, ungrateful. 746 00:36:38,920 --> 00:36:41,620 And I told her that you don't understand me, you know? 747 00:36:41,620 --> 00:36:44,140 And we both said things that we regret. 748 00:36:44,140 --> 00:36:45,970 And the fight escalated to a point 749 00:36:45,970 --> 00:36:48,040 where I had to leave the house. 750 00:36:48,040 --> 00:36:50,830 And that's how it happened, how I was practically disowned 751 00:36:50,830 --> 00:36:53,350 for trying to take the SAT. 752 00:36:53,350 --> 00:36:57,370 And these are the moments that sometimes you 753 00:36:57,370 --> 00:37:00,040 don't get to see behind a college application. 754 00:37:00,040 --> 00:37:03,430 Behind all the stellar test scores, and near-perfect GPAs, 755 00:37:03,430 --> 00:37:06,880 and the inspirational essays are these moments of hardships, 756 00:37:06,880 --> 00:37:08,473 of confusion, of not knowing what's 757 00:37:08,473 --> 00:37:10,390 going to happen next, of not knowing if things 758 00:37:10,390 --> 00:37:11,830 are going to work out for you. 759 00:37:11,830 --> 00:37:14,202 And for me, it was a total rock bottom. 760 00:37:14,202 --> 00:37:15,910 And because of having to leave the house, 761 00:37:15,910 --> 00:37:18,400 I spent the next week living with my grandparents. 762 00:37:18,400 --> 00:37:20,560 And during that time, all I can think of 763 00:37:20,560 --> 00:37:23,135 is how much my parents hurt because I lied to them, 764 00:37:23,135 --> 00:37:25,510 and how much I miss them, and how much I just really want 765 00:37:25,510 --> 00:37:28,030 to go home, give them a hug, apologize to them, 766 00:37:28,030 --> 00:37:29,930 saying that, Mom, Dad, it's all over. 767 00:37:29,930 --> 00:37:31,735 I'm going to listen to you from now on. 768 00:37:31,735 --> 00:37:32,860 I really wanted to do that. 769 00:37:32,860 --> 00:37:35,290 I really wanted to go home. 770 00:37:35,290 --> 00:37:37,300 And while waiting for permission to go home, 771 00:37:37,300 --> 00:37:40,600 I started reflecting on what my parents has given me. 772 00:37:40,600 --> 00:37:42,940 I really want to renew my sense of gratitude 773 00:37:42,940 --> 00:37:45,610 and my sense of appreciation, so when I go home 774 00:37:45,610 --> 00:37:46,930 I can present that to them. 775 00:37:46,930 --> 00:37:49,280 And I started remembering things. 776 00:37:49,280 --> 00:37:52,510 So when I was 8 years old, my family 777 00:37:52,510 --> 00:37:54,820 sent me to a Catholic school in Australia. 778 00:37:54,820 --> 00:37:58,750 Imagine an Asian kid who can barely speak English. 779 00:37:58,750 --> 00:38:01,223 He's going around, offering people Vietnamese food. 780 00:38:01,223 --> 00:38:02,140 You want some banh mi? 781 00:38:03,250 --> 00:38:04,958 I really want to be your friend, come on. 782 00:38:04,958 --> 00:38:08,140 And that kid is also attending mass every Sunday 783 00:38:08,140 --> 00:38:11,500 without the knowledge of what religion was at the time. 784 00:38:11,500 --> 00:38:13,720 Skipping forward a few years later, 785 00:38:13,720 --> 00:38:16,210 my parents sent me to a golf boot camp in Arizona 786 00:38:16,210 --> 00:38:17,500 on a scholarship. 787 00:38:17,500 --> 00:38:21,520 Again, imagine a barely-5-foot Asian kid 788 00:38:21,520 --> 00:38:23,470 trying to keep up with varsity athletes 789 00:38:23,470 --> 00:38:25,180 throughout 18 holes during the day, 790 00:38:25,180 --> 00:38:26,830 and trying to keep up with them again 791 00:38:26,830 --> 00:38:28,610 through dodgeball and laser 792 00:38:28,610 --> 00:38:30,220 tag during the evenings. 793 00:38:30,220 --> 00:38:32,780 It was just these bizarre experiences. 794 00:38:32,780 --> 00:38:35,230 And as I recalled them more and more, 795 00:38:35,230 --> 00:38:36,670 I started to see the values that I 796 00:38:36,670 --> 00:38:39,400 gained from them, the interpersonal skills that 797 00:38:39,400 --> 00:38:41,560 allowed me to break down any culture or language 798 00:38:41,560 --> 00:38:44,170 barrier, the flexible tenacity that allowed 799 00:38:44,170 --> 00:38:46,030 me to walk any paths ahead. 800 00:38:46,030 --> 00:38:48,500 I'm so grateful for all these experiences. 801 00:38:48,500 --> 00:38:50,980 And that's when I realized one of the greatest gifts 802 00:38:50,980 --> 00:38:52,930 that my parents has given me is allowing 803 00:38:52,930 --> 00:38:55,360 me to go to these bizarre adventures 804 00:38:55,360 --> 00:38:59,420 so far away from home, and allow me to learn from them. 805 00:38:59,420 --> 00:39:01,900 And that is when I realized I cannot stop with my college 806 00:39:01,900 --> 00:39:03,160 application now. 807 00:39:03,160 --> 00:39:05,740 Even though they don't want me to, I have to press ahead, 808 00:39:05,740 --> 00:39:08,230 continue to find myself in unfamiliar footings, 809 00:39:08,230 --> 00:39:11,020 and embrace the novel challenges ahead, and become the best 810 00:39:11,020 --> 00:39:13,150 version of myself, because I sincerely 811 00:39:13,150 --> 00:39:15,850 believe that if my parents have the resources 812 00:39:15,850 --> 00:39:19,040 that they had given me, they would do the same. 813 00:39:19,040 --> 00:39:21,490 So I marched home. 814 00:39:21,490 --> 00:39:23,620 I offered them a sincere apology. 815 00:39:23,620 --> 00:39:26,290 But aside from that, I showed them my game plan, 816 00:39:26,290 --> 00:39:28,180 showing them that this isn't a Hail Mary, 817 00:39:28,180 --> 00:39:30,850 that I have a good chance of getting into a good US college, 818 00:39:30,850 --> 00:39:33,210 and even thrive at one. 819 00:39:33,210 --> 00:39:36,150 And I'm standing here before all of you right now, 820 00:39:36,150 --> 00:39:40,494 so you can probably guess how the argument went down. 821 00:39:40,494 --> 00:39:41,760 [CHUCKLES] 822 00:39:41,760 --> 00:39:48,040 So it's-- this journey is still so surreal for me. 823 00:39:48,040 --> 00:39:50,320 It still feels like a dream, as I 824 00:39:50,320 --> 00:39:53,440 go into one of the best colleges in the United States, 825 00:39:53,440 --> 00:39:55,150 walking around this beautiful campus, 826 00:39:55,150 --> 00:39:57,460 and now standing here before all of you. 827 00:39:57,460 --> 00:40:00,280 And I not only have my parents to thank, 828 00:40:00,280 --> 00:40:02,500 but this time, also myself. 829 00:40:02,500 --> 00:40:03,550 Thank you. 830 00:40:03,550 --> 00:40:06,560 So for as long as I can remember, 831 00:40:06,560 --> 00:40:09,160 my parents have written me letters. 832 00:40:09,160 --> 00:40:11,710 And these letters have come to mean so much to me 833 00:40:11,710 --> 00:40:14,050 that I actually keep a note that my mom wrote me about 834 00:40:14,050 --> 00:40:15,520 10 years ago in my wallet. 835 00:40:15,520 --> 00:40:17,740 And I refer back to it when I need a little boost. 836 00:40:17,740 --> 00:40:20,460 I actually checked it earlier today. 837 00:40:20,460 --> 00:40:22,210 And there's a note that my father wrote me 838 00:40:22,210 --> 00:40:25,150 that I love so much in 2002 that I framed it, 839 00:40:25,150 --> 00:40:27,550 and I put it on my wall in my house. 840 00:40:27,550 --> 00:40:29,500 And so it's really no surprise that when 841 00:40:29,500 --> 00:40:33,520 I had two kids of my own, I started a similar tradition 842 00:40:33,520 --> 00:40:36,680 with them, although it takes a slightly different form. 843 00:40:36,680 --> 00:40:38,210 So I have two little boys. 844 00:40:38,210 --> 00:40:41,050 One is now 4, and one's almost 2 and 1/2. 845 00:40:41,050 --> 00:40:42,640 And when each of them were born, I 846 00:40:42,640 --> 00:40:45,790 started writing in a journal for them. 847 00:40:45,790 --> 00:40:49,062 And I write in these journals whenever I am moved to do so. 848 00:40:49,062 --> 00:40:51,520 So as parents, some of you might know what that feels like. 849 00:40:51,520 --> 00:40:53,950 It's a day that you want to remember 850 00:40:53,950 --> 00:40:56,830 every detail of, or it's something funny that they did, 851 00:40:56,830 --> 00:40:59,710 or it can honestly be just marveling at watching 852 00:40:59,710 --> 00:41:03,430 them become little people exploring the world. 853 00:41:03,430 --> 00:41:06,070 But what's really interesting is if you thumb 854 00:41:06,070 --> 00:41:08,500 through their journals, you'll notice 855 00:41:08,500 --> 00:41:13,010 that almost the entire year of 2020 is blank. 856 00:41:13,010 --> 00:41:15,860 I didn't write anything at all. 857 00:41:15,860 --> 00:41:18,010 And I'm sure there are many of you 858 00:41:18,010 --> 00:41:20,020 in this room who would say, well, this actually 859 00:41:20,020 --> 00:41:21,670 makes a lot of sense. 860 00:41:21,670 --> 00:41:26,770 2020 was brutal for so many people for so many reasons. 861 00:41:26,770 --> 00:41:31,540 And you had young kids, and you were probably really scared. 862 00:41:31,540 --> 00:41:33,610 And you were probably really overwhelmed, 863 00:41:33,610 --> 00:41:35,920 and maybe you just didn't have the words at the time 864 00:41:35,920 --> 00:41:37,690 to be able to explain to your kids what 865 00:41:37,690 --> 00:41:39,620 was happening in the world. 866 00:41:39,620 --> 00:41:42,160 And I think a lot of parents would feel the same. 867 00:41:42,160 --> 00:41:44,600 And that was true for me, too. 868 00:41:44,600 --> 00:41:46,585 And then there's another group of folks, maybe 869 00:41:46,585 --> 00:41:49,160 a slightly smaller group but that know me a little better. 870 00:41:49,160 --> 00:41:50,290 And they would say, well, you know, 871 00:41:50,290 --> 00:41:52,030 I also know, Lily, that you were going 872 00:41:52,030 --> 00:41:54,730 through this professional proving process. 873 00:41:54,730 --> 00:41:57,550 You had thrown your hat into this ring for this job 874 00:41:57,550 --> 00:42:00,850 and, as your dad likes to say, swinging for the bleachers 875 00:42:00,850 --> 00:42:03,610 with this role at the Alumni Association. 876 00:42:03,610 --> 00:42:05,080 And you were probably pretty scared 877 00:42:05,080 --> 00:42:06,640 about how that was going to turn out, 878 00:42:06,640 --> 00:42:08,770 and maybe overwhelmed by the process 879 00:42:08,770 --> 00:42:12,670 and having to prove yourself day in and day out. 880 00:42:12,670 --> 00:42:15,400 And maybe you just didn't have time to write to your kids 881 00:42:15,400 --> 00:42:17,260 in those journals. 882 00:42:17,260 --> 00:42:20,140 And to that group, I would say, absolutely, that was true, too. 883 00:42:20,140 --> 00:42:22,570 There was a lot going on last year. 884 00:42:22,570 --> 00:42:25,420 But then there's a smaller group of people 885 00:42:25,420 --> 00:42:28,000 who really had a front-row seat to my life 886 00:42:28,000 --> 00:42:29,770 over the past 18 months. 887 00:42:29,770 --> 00:42:32,650 And some of them are here today. 888 00:42:32,650 --> 00:42:36,160 And I think they would have a slightly different explanation. 889 00:42:36,160 --> 00:42:37,660 I think they would say, I don't know 890 00:42:37,660 --> 00:42:40,330 if it was the pandemic alone, although that was obviously 891 00:42:40,330 --> 00:42:42,070 so challenging for so many. 892 00:42:42,070 --> 00:42:44,500 And I don't think it was this professional process 893 00:42:44,500 --> 00:42:45,850 you were going through. 894 00:42:45,850 --> 00:42:48,220 I bet the reason why you didn't write in those journals 895 00:42:48,220 --> 00:42:51,790 is because you were going through a difficult divorce. 896 00:42:51,790 --> 00:42:54,250 And you had young kids. 897 00:42:54,250 --> 00:42:56,020 And you were really, really scared 898 00:42:56,020 --> 00:42:58,420 about how things were going to work out. 899 00:42:58,420 --> 00:43:01,570 And you were really overwhelmed, maybe so much to the extent 900 00:43:01,570 --> 00:43:04,420 that sometimes you felt like you were drowning. 901 00:43:04,420 --> 00:43:06,880 And maybe you just didn't know how to talk to your kids. 902 00:43:06,880 --> 00:43:08,380 or you just didn't have the strength 903 00:43:08,380 --> 00:43:11,620 to be able to explain what you were experiencing. 904 00:43:11,620 --> 00:43:14,830 And those people would be the most right. 905 00:43:14,830 --> 00:43:17,800 You see, the thing about letters or journal entries 906 00:43:17,800 --> 00:43:20,440 is they have a permanence to them, right? 907 00:43:20,440 --> 00:43:22,270 That's what makes them so special is 908 00:43:22,270 --> 00:43:23,590 that you can hold on to them. 909 00:43:23,590 --> 00:43:25,540 And they last forever, like I have held 910 00:43:25,540 --> 00:43:27,730 on to that note from my mom. 911 00:43:27,730 --> 00:43:31,270 But that's also what made me so fearful about how 912 00:43:31,270 --> 00:43:35,360 I could talk to my kids about what I was going through. 913 00:43:35,360 --> 00:43:37,720 I was so worried I would say the wrong thing, 914 00:43:37,720 --> 00:43:41,260 or I would say too much, or say too little, or perhaps 915 00:43:41,260 --> 00:43:45,850 at worst, interrupt an otherwise beautiful and blissful 916 00:43:45,850 --> 00:43:48,490 childhood for my kids. 917 00:43:48,490 --> 00:43:51,280 And so I wrote nothing. 918 00:43:51,280 --> 00:43:54,400 And part of me is really frustrated at myself 919 00:43:54,400 --> 00:43:56,440 that I didn't have the strength in the moment 920 00:43:56,440 --> 00:43:59,320 to put pen to paper and actually write something down, 921 00:43:59,320 --> 00:44:02,740 because in the midst of dismantling my life 922 00:44:02,740 --> 00:44:04,720 and then building it all back again, 923 00:44:04,720 --> 00:44:07,630 there were actually so many beautiful moments 924 00:44:07,630 --> 00:44:09,310 with my little boys. 925 00:44:09,310 --> 00:44:12,683 There were so many joy-filled days. 926 00:44:12,683 --> 00:44:14,350 And I want to tell you about one of them 927 00:44:14,350 --> 00:44:15,880 because it sticks in my mind. 928 00:44:15,880 --> 00:44:18,280 And it's something I wish I'd written down because it 929 00:44:18,280 --> 00:44:20,330 was just so much fun. 930 00:44:20,330 --> 00:44:23,020 So it was last fall, probably this time last year. 931 00:44:23,020 --> 00:44:25,990 And I bought these absurdly overpriced tickets 932 00:44:25,990 --> 00:44:28,810 to a Jurassic Park exhibit at the Richmond Raceway. 933 00:44:28,810 --> 00:44:30,650 And it was everything you think it was. 934 00:44:30,650 --> 00:44:32,770 It was over the top. 935 00:44:32,770 --> 00:44:35,830 And these clunky, oversized mechanical dinosaurs 936 00:44:35,830 --> 00:44:37,630 screeched and lunged at your car. 937 00:44:37,630 --> 00:44:40,330 And you can imagine a basically 1-year-old 938 00:44:40,330 --> 00:44:43,990 and 3-and-1/2-year-old at the time going nuts. 939 00:44:43,990 --> 00:44:45,480 They loved this. 940 00:44:45,480 --> 00:44:47,740 It was their definition of a dream. 941 00:44:47,740 --> 00:44:49,120 And so we had a great time. 942 00:44:49,120 --> 00:44:50,820 And then afterwards, we were all hungry, 943 00:44:50,820 --> 00:44:53,250 so I drove us to the nearest McDonald's, went 944 00:44:53,250 --> 00:44:56,010 through the drive-thru, and got us each a Happy Meal, 945 00:44:56,010 --> 00:44:58,170 and parked in the parking lot. 946 00:44:58,170 --> 00:45:01,050 And we ate chicken nuggets, and we talked about dinosaurs 947 00:45:01,050 --> 00:45:03,150 while they sat on my lap in the front seat. 948 00:45:03,150 --> 00:45:06,352 And we watched what ended up being the most spectacular moon 949 00:45:06,352 --> 00:45:09,870 rise I have ever seen over 64. 950 00:45:09,870 --> 00:45:12,300 And it was one of the best nights of my life, 951 00:45:12,300 --> 00:45:15,120 but I never wrote it down. 952 00:45:15,120 --> 00:45:19,380 And so as time has passed, and as I've gotten my feet under me 953 00:45:19,380 --> 00:45:22,680 over this past year, year and a half, 954 00:45:22,680 --> 00:45:25,200 I've thought so much about putting something 955 00:45:25,200 --> 00:45:28,530 in my children's journals to acknowledge 956 00:45:28,530 --> 00:45:31,740 what we went through, and just how transformative 957 00:45:31,740 --> 00:45:35,170 that year was for us in so many different ways. 958 00:45:35,170 --> 00:45:38,190 And even though I wasn't able to necessarily find my own words, 959 00:45:38,190 --> 00:45:40,230 I actually was reminded of an email 960 00:45:40,230 --> 00:45:43,860 that I got at one of the darkest points of 2020. 961 00:45:43,860 --> 00:45:45,720 And it was from a friend of my mother's, 962 00:45:45,720 --> 00:45:47,550 who reached out and said that she 963 00:45:47,550 --> 00:45:49,260 had put me on this prayer list. 964 00:45:49,260 --> 00:45:50,700 So she was hosting services. 965 00:45:50,700 --> 00:45:52,890 She was at Harvard Divinity School at the time. 966 00:45:52,890 --> 00:45:55,800 And she wanted me to know that I was on the prayer list, 967 00:45:55,800 --> 00:45:57,300 given what I was going through. 968 00:45:57,300 --> 00:46:02,430 And she also included a blessing, just for reference, 969 00:46:02,430 --> 00:46:07,390 in case I needed some words of comfort in a difficult time. 970 00:46:07,390 --> 00:46:10,530 And what she doesn't know, but I should tell her, 971 00:46:10,530 --> 00:46:13,020 especially after I give this talk, 972 00:46:13,020 --> 00:46:15,360 is that that blessing ended up being something 973 00:46:15,360 --> 00:46:18,180 I referred to more times than I can count over 974 00:46:18,180 --> 00:46:20,310 the course of these past 18 months. 975 00:46:20,310 --> 00:46:22,980 And it has served as really a guiding light for me 976 00:46:22,980 --> 00:46:26,402 in an otherwise really bleak and dark time. 977 00:46:26,402 --> 00:46:28,110 And I'd like to read that blessing to you 978 00:46:28,110 --> 00:46:31,080 today because it is also what I've ended up 979 00:46:31,080 --> 00:46:35,130 putting in my children's journals to mark 2020, 980 00:46:35,130 --> 00:46:39,450 and to acknowledge what happened, to some extent, 981 00:46:39,450 --> 00:46:42,900 and also maybe to serve as a guiding light, or source 982 00:46:42,900 --> 00:46:45,510 of comfort, or a lesson learned for them 983 00:46:45,510 --> 00:46:48,930 if they ever encounter a particularly difficult time 984 00:46:48,930 --> 00:46:50,410 in their lives. 985 00:46:50,410 --> 00:46:52,860 So I'm going to grab it. 986 00:46:52,860 --> 00:46:56,040 And it's a blessing by John O'Donohue. 987 00:46:56,040 --> 00:46:58,110 And I think it can apply to anyone, anywhere 988 00:46:58,110 --> 00:46:59,310 who believes in anything. 989 00:46:59,310 --> 00:47:02,220 That's part of why I love it so much. 990 00:47:02,220 --> 00:47:04,140 And it goes as follows. 991 00:47:04,140 --> 00:47:06,660 "This is the time to be slow. 992 00:47:06,660 --> 00:47:10,410 Lie low to the wall until the bitter weather passes. 993 00:47:10,410 --> 00:47:15,720 Try, as best you can, not to let the wire brush of doubt scrape 994 00:47:15,720 --> 00:47:18,150 from your heart all sense of yourself 995 00:47:18,150 --> 00:47:20,190 and your hesitant light. 996 00:47:20,190 --> 00:47:24,330 If you remain generous, time will come good, 997 00:47:24,330 --> 00:47:26,310 and you will find your feet again 998 00:47:26,310 --> 00:47:28,980 on fresh pastures of promise, where 999 00:47:28,980 --> 00:47:33,300 the air will be kind and blushed with beginning." 1000 00:47:33,300 --> 00:47:35,790 So some of you might be wondering 1001 00:47:35,790 --> 00:47:38,790 how I started writing in my children's journals again 1002 00:47:38,790 --> 00:47:41,670 after a long time away. 1003 00:47:41,670 --> 00:47:44,520 And there was one entry at the very end of 2020. 1004 00:47:44,520 --> 00:47:47,640 And it was on December 15, 2020. 1005 00:47:47,640 --> 00:47:50,250 And I wrote in both of their journals separately. 1006 00:47:50,250 --> 00:47:53,400 And it was actually right after I had found out 1007 00:47:53,400 --> 00:47:57,570 that I had gotten the job that I had been working so hard for. 1008 00:47:57,570 --> 00:47:58,290 And it's funny. 1009 00:47:58,290 --> 00:48:03,040 I have to tell you that for the first time in a really, really, 1010 00:48:03,040 --> 00:48:06,960 really long time, I finally felt like I had a beginning that 1011 00:48:06,960 --> 00:48:08,760 was worth writing about. 1012 00:48:08,760 --> 00:48:09,450 Thank you. 1013 00:48:09,450 --> 00:48:13,020 So I was born in Buffalo, New York. 1014 00:48:13,020 --> 00:48:16,440 I'm one of seven kids. 1015 00:48:16,440 --> 00:48:21,300 And if you count the dogs we had, I'm one of 10. 1016 00:48:21,300 --> 00:48:23,160 God bless my mom. 1017 00:48:23,160 --> 00:48:24,630 So I was born in Buffalo, New York. 1018 00:48:24,630 --> 00:48:26,910 And growing up in Buffalo, New York, 1019 00:48:26,910 --> 00:48:30,600 in this Irish-Catholic family, I was sent to the same school 1020 00:48:30,600 --> 00:48:32,700 that my dad was in. 1021 00:48:32,700 --> 00:48:36,390 It was a little Catholic school called St. Benedict's. 1022 00:48:36,390 --> 00:48:40,830 And I remember going as a little kid, and going into school. 1023 00:48:40,830 --> 00:48:42,310 Now, I was a happy kid. 1024 00:48:42,310 --> 00:48:43,650 I was really happy. 1025 00:48:43,650 --> 00:48:45,820 I loved it. 1026 00:48:45,820 --> 00:48:50,880 And I remember playing along and doing kindergarten stuff. 1027 00:48:50,880 --> 00:48:53,950 But the teacher always got mad at me. 1028 00:48:53,950 --> 00:48:56,070 And I didn't know why. 1029 00:48:56,070 --> 00:48:59,640 So fast forward, we go through the school, 1030 00:48:59,640 --> 00:49:03,570 and I get to this point where my parents tell me, 1031 00:49:03,570 --> 00:49:06,810 the teacher says that you're special, 1032 00:49:06,810 --> 00:49:13,290 that you've got to go get tested for what you are going through. 1033 00:49:13,290 --> 00:49:15,580 Sorry, I'm going to pull this a little bit. 1034 00:49:15,580 --> 00:49:21,300 And so we ended up having to go to a special summer camp. 1035 00:49:21,300 --> 00:49:22,140 I had no idea. 1036 00:49:22,140 --> 00:49:23,430 I was 7 years old. 1037 00:49:23,430 --> 00:49:26,445 And I'm like, OK, let's do this. 1038 00:49:26,445 --> 00:49:30,030 And in my little kid head, I'm like, that's fine. 1039 00:49:30,030 --> 00:49:33,060 And I remember waiting for the bus. 1040 00:49:33,060 --> 00:49:37,470 And the bus pulls up, and it's not a big bus. 1041 00:49:37,470 --> 00:49:39,360 It's a smaller bus. 1042 00:49:39,360 --> 00:49:42,550 And I'm like, OK, cool. 1043 00:49:42,550 --> 00:49:47,460 I get in, in my little shorts and my little shoes. 1044 00:49:47,460 --> 00:49:52,530 And I get in the bus, and the bus has cages on the inside. 1045 00:49:52,530 --> 00:49:54,180 And I'm like, man, this is weird. 1046 00:49:54,180 --> 00:49:55,710 But again, I'm a little kid. 1047 00:49:55,710 --> 00:49:58,680 I didn't know what to think about that. 1048 00:49:58,680 --> 00:50:01,410 And I sit next to my bus mate. 1049 00:50:01,410 --> 00:50:03,840 And he's wearing a helmet. 1050 00:50:03,840 --> 00:50:05,790 He can't see. 1051 00:50:05,790 --> 00:50:07,410 He's drooling. 1052 00:50:07,410 --> 00:50:10,620 And he's banging his head against the wall. 1053 00:50:10,620 --> 00:50:13,230 And I'm like, OK, I guess this is 1054 00:50:13,230 --> 00:50:16,950 where it is-- this is where we start as a little kid. 1055 00:50:16,950 --> 00:50:20,220 So I went to the special summer school. 1056 00:50:20,220 --> 00:50:22,650 And after it was over-- it was a dark time. 1057 00:50:22,650 --> 00:50:26,160 I don't remember much about the school. 1058 00:50:26,160 --> 00:50:28,170 And I get back home. 1059 00:50:28,170 --> 00:50:29,640 And then my parents say, well, you 1060 00:50:29,640 --> 00:50:33,490 can't go back to that same Catholic school anymore. 1061 00:50:33,490 --> 00:50:36,270 You've got to go to this other school. 1062 00:50:36,270 --> 00:50:38,520 I said, all right, cool. 1063 00:50:38,520 --> 00:50:41,360 As a little kid, again, I'm not thinking much about this. 1064 00:50:41,360 --> 00:50:43,750 I'm along for the ride. 1065 00:50:43,750 --> 00:50:46,350 So I go to this public school. 1066 00:50:46,350 --> 00:50:48,420 And I walk in the class. 1067 00:50:48,420 --> 00:50:51,750 And lo and behold, it's the woman who tested me. 1068 00:50:51,750 --> 00:50:53,100 And I'm like, that's cool. 1069 00:50:53,100 --> 00:50:54,720 That's really neat. 1070 00:50:54,720 --> 00:50:56,580 I've got this lady that I can trust. 1071 00:50:56,580 --> 00:50:58,380 And I had met her before. 1072 00:50:58,380 --> 00:51:00,540 So I'm in this class with her. 1073 00:51:00,540 --> 00:51:02,130 And I had all these other friends. 1074 00:51:02,130 --> 00:51:04,140 And they were all different. 1075 00:51:04,140 --> 00:51:06,360 And again, I don't know what different is, 1076 00:51:06,360 --> 00:51:10,120 but I just knew that if Stivola got excited, 1077 00:51:10,120 --> 00:51:12,510 he would flap his hands really hard 1078 00:51:12,510 --> 00:51:14,220 and almost float like a hummingbird. 1079 00:51:14,220 --> 00:51:16,480 And I'm like, things are going to be cool. 1080 00:51:16,480 --> 00:51:19,200 Stivola's really happy. 1081 00:51:19,200 --> 00:51:22,410 And then there was Maggie, who I knew 1082 00:51:22,410 --> 00:51:24,480 when things were getting a little sketchy, 1083 00:51:24,480 --> 00:51:26,490 because Maggie would pee. 1084 00:51:26,490 --> 00:51:28,170 And there'd be a puddle under her chair. 1085 00:51:28,170 --> 00:51:30,360 And I'd be like, oh, man, something's going on. 1086 00:51:30,360 --> 00:51:31,980 I've got to pay attention. 1087 00:51:31,980 --> 00:51:34,350 But that was my grammar school raising. 1088 00:51:34,350 --> 00:51:37,510 And then eventually, we were indoctrinated, as they say, 1089 00:51:37,510 --> 00:51:39,435 into the normal kids. 1090 00:51:39,435 --> 00:51:40,690 And that was cool. 1091 00:51:40,690 --> 00:51:42,210 That was fine. 1092 00:51:42,210 --> 00:51:44,970 And so we are indoctrinated into the normal school. 1093 00:51:44,970 --> 00:51:47,770 And I went through, and I carried on. 1094 00:51:47,770 --> 00:51:49,920 And my parents had always told me-- again, 1095 00:51:49,920 --> 00:51:51,900 I'm one of seven kids. 1096 00:51:51,900 --> 00:51:54,803 Many of my brothers and sisters were doctors. 1097 00:51:54,803 --> 00:51:56,220 And they always told me-- and they 1098 00:51:56,220 --> 00:51:59,670 said, John, you're special, and so we 1099 00:51:59,670 --> 00:52:01,830 don't expect much out of you. 1100 00:52:01,830 --> 00:52:03,900 And I said, OK. 1101 00:52:03,900 --> 00:52:05,880 They said, just do your best. 1102 00:52:05,880 --> 00:52:11,190 My mom and dad were doing their best, and so I did my best. 1103 00:52:11,190 --> 00:52:12,960 And so I went through high school. 1104 00:52:12,960 --> 00:52:18,360 I went to-- I finally got into my family's Jesuit high school. 1105 00:52:18,360 --> 00:52:20,860 But again, I had to do summer school. 1106 00:52:20,860 --> 00:52:22,650 Then I went to college. 1107 00:52:22,650 --> 00:52:24,970 And again, it was another Jesuit college. 1108 00:52:24,970 --> 00:52:27,090 But again, I had to go to summer school. 1109 00:52:27,090 --> 00:52:29,400 And I want no offense to football players, 1110 00:52:29,400 --> 00:52:31,300 but I was in class with them. 1111 00:52:31,300 --> 00:52:33,340 And I was like, that's cool, all right? 1112 00:52:33,340 --> 00:52:33,840 [CHUCKLING] 1113 00:52:33,840 --> 00:52:35,070 Yeah. 1114 00:52:35,070 --> 00:52:37,920 We didn't have the honor system back then, that some of them 1115 00:52:37,920 --> 00:52:40,740 may have looked at my paper or not. 1116 00:52:40,740 --> 00:52:43,320 I'm not going to confess to that. 1117 00:52:43,320 --> 00:52:45,150 So I get into college. 1118 00:52:45,150 --> 00:52:46,260 And I'm studying. 1119 00:52:46,260 --> 00:52:49,770 And I'm studying psychology at the time. 1120 00:52:49,770 --> 00:52:51,120 And I sit down. 1121 00:52:51,120 --> 00:52:53,910 And I was studying in the library, 1122 00:52:53,910 --> 00:52:56,970 and I was studying developmental psychology. 1123 00:52:56,970 --> 00:53:00,570 And I sat down and started looking at it, really focusing. 1124 00:53:00,570 --> 00:53:02,700 And it had a graph. 1125 00:53:02,700 --> 00:53:05,160 And I went down on the graph. 1126 00:53:05,160 --> 00:53:07,170 And I remembered that I had a hearing 1127 00:53:07,170 --> 00:53:08,700 disability as a little kid. 1128 00:53:08,700 --> 00:53:14,400 I had over 16 surgeries before I was like 17. 1129 00:53:14,400 --> 00:53:15,810 So I started looking. 1130 00:53:15,810 --> 00:53:18,810 And a light went off in my head. 1131 00:53:18,810 --> 00:53:21,660 And I realized, wait, this learning disability 1132 00:53:21,660 --> 00:53:25,200 matches with the fact that I can't hear. 1133 00:53:25,200 --> 00:53:29,880 Wait, I'm not-- and I'll use the term of when I was growing up-- 1134 00:53:29,880 --> 00:53:33,480 I'm not retarded, because that's what they called me back then. 1135 00:53:33,480 --> 00:53:36,300 It's not a politically correct term at this time. 1136 00:53:36,300 --> 00:53:38,580 I was not learning-disabled. 1137 00:53:38,580 --> 00:53:42,330 And that light just went off in my head. 1138 00:53:42,330 --> 00:53:44,460 And I'm like, holy crap. 1139 00:53:44,460 --> 00:53:48,030 My GPA at that point went from a 2.2 to a 3.8 1140 00:53:48,030 --> 00:53:50,790 within the semester. 1141 00:53:50,790 --> 00:53:54,180 And I just started reading voraciously. 1142 00:53:54,180 --> 00:53:58,170 And I ended up graduating, and then deciding, 1143 00:53:58,170 --> 00:54:00,600 I'm going to follow my bliss. 1144 00:54:00,600 --> 00:54:02,880 And I went to graduate school, and I 1145 00:54:02,880 --> 00:54:07,920 studied comparative religion and Eastern philosophy. 1146 00:54:07,920 --> 00:54:11,370 And the lesson I learned in all of this 1147 00:54:11,370 --> 00:54:19,200 is, A, when we categorize people, we put them in caves. 1148 00:54:19,200 --> 00:54:22,470 And it's like the platonic allegory of the cave. 1149 00:54:22,470 --> 00:54:27,630 When I realized-- and it doesn't matter what category that is. 1150 00:54:27,630 --> 00:54:29,970 It could be imposed from outside, 1151 00:54:29,970 --> 00:54:32,760 or it could be what you hear all the time. 1152 00:54:32,760 --> 00:54:35,580 And then you start repeating it to yourself. 1153 00:54:35,580 --> 00:54:39,750 So what happened to me, like the platonic allegory of the cave, 1154 00:54:39,750 --> 00:54:43,935 was I went out, and I saw the light. 1155 00:54:43,935 --> 00:54:46,860 And I was damned if I was not going to go back and lock 1156 00:54:46,860 --> 00:54:48,720 myself up again. 1157 00:54:48,720 --> 00:54:53,460 So I realized that that categorization is not correct. 1158 00:54:53,460 --> 00:54:56,460 And we always have to watch ourselves with that. 1159 00:54:56,460 --> 00:55:00,150 And as a father, I've tried to raise my kids knowing I'm not 1160 00:55:00,150 --> 00:55:01,950 going to categorize you. 1161 00:55:01,950 --> 00:55:04,050 I'm not going to put you in that hole. 1162 00:55:04,050 --> 00:55:10,450 The other lesson I learned was that once that cave is left, 1163 00:55:10,450 --> 00:55:12,960 you can do anything. 1164 00:55:12,960 --> 00:55:14,400 And I've proven that. 1165 00:55:14,400 --> 00:55:16,710 I've made a paradigm shift in the world, 1166 00:55:16,710 --> 00:55:18,420 and it's called the Pause. 1167 00:55:18,420 --> 00:55:20,100 And if you want to look it up, I'm 1168 00:55:20,100 --> 00:55:21,720 not going to talk about that today. 1169 00:55:21,720 --> 00:55:25,410 But it changed how we approach health care and death, 1170 00:55:25,410 --> 00:55:28,050 not only in the United States but on seven 1171 00:55:28,050 --> 00:55:30,430 continents around the world. 1172 00:55:30,430 --> 00:55:33,420 And the last thing, and this is for my mama. 1173 00:55:33,420 --> 00:55:39,840 She felt really upset that she had done that to me. 1174 00:55:39,840 --> 00:55:44,070 And I want her to know, you didn't harm me. 1175 00:55:44,070 --> 00:55:48,270 What you did helped create the man you see today. 1176 00:55:48,270 --> 00:55:52,950 I don't distinguish or delineate between a schizophrenic drug 1177 00:55:52,950 --> 00:55:59,250 addict on the street or a billionaire who needs care. 1178 00:55:59,250 --> 00:56:02,700 I don't see the difference. 1179 00:56:02,700 --> 00:56:06,320 And those lessons are what occurred today. 1180 00:56:06,320 --> 00:56:07,525 Thank you. 1181 00:56:07,525 --> 00:56:10,260 [APPLAUSE] 1182 00:56:10,260 --> 00:56:14,700 This is a really hard thing to follow. 1183 00:56:14,700 --> 00:56:18,870 So I want to begin by thanking those who helped organize 1184 00:56:18,870 --> 00:56:22,560 this night, Matt Weber, Jess Harris, Sarita, and then 1185 00:56:22,560 --> 00:56:24,000 everyone else who was involved. 1186 00:56:24,000 --> 00:56:25,890 And I think they deserve a round of applause. 1187 00:56:25,890 --> 00:56:28,360 [APPLAUSE] 1188 00:56:34,300 --> 00:56:37,660 I also want to thank, from the bottom of my heart, 1189 00:56:37,660 --> 00:56:40,930 and on behalf of everyone here, all 1190 00:56:40,930 --> 00:56:46,270 of you who shared the amazing gifts that are your stories. 1191 00:56:46,270 --> 00:56:48,650 And I'm already standing up to clap for you. 1192 00:56:48,650 --> 00:56:50,800 But if I weren't standing up to clap for you, 1193 00:56:50,800 --> 00:56:54,769 I would be standing up right now to clap for all of you. 1194 00:56:54,769 --> 00:56:57,264 [APPLAUSE] 1195 00:57:01,760 --> 00:57:10,340 We started this a few years ago, in part because I love stories. 1196 00:57:10,340 --> 00:57:13,790 And I thought it would be a great event 1197 00:57:13,790 --> 00:57:17,420 to give people the opportunity to share their stories. 1198 00:57:17,420 --> 00:57:22,010 But the other reason we did was because we thought-- 1199 00:57:22,010 --> 00:57:25,610 and I think this night proved this once again-- 1200 00:57:25,610 --> 00:57:29,480 that doing this would not only enable all of us 1201 00:57:29,480 --> 00:57:33,080 to hear the story that we hadn't heard from someone, 1202 00:57:33,080 --> 00:57:35,090 but it would make everyone in the audience 1203 00:57:35,090 --> 00:57:38,000 realize that everyone has a story. 1204 00:57:38,000 --> 00:57:42,450 And you might think you know it, but you probably don't. 1205 00:57:42,450 --> 00:57:46,790 And one way to build community is to share your story, 1206 00:57:46,790 --> 00:57:49,430 and to ask someone else about their story, 1207 00:57:49,430 --> 00:57:53,840 for as surprising as the stories might be, you also find in them 1208 00:57:53,840 --> 00:57:56,480 ways that you're connected. 1209 00:57:56,480 --> 00:58:00,350 And so thank you for giving us that gift. 1210 00:58:00,350 --> 00:58:02,480 And I hope all of you who are here 1211 00:58:02,480 --> 00:58:04,310 realize that the person to the left of you, 1212 00:58:04,310 --> 00:58:07,640 the person to the right of you has a story, 1213 00:58:07,640 --> 00:58:09,830 and that that is the way that we build community. 1214 00:58:09,830 --> 00:58:11,270 We share our stories. 1215 00:58:11,270 --> 00:58:12,930 So thanks for being here tonight. 1216 00:58:12,930 --> 00:58:17,030 And I hope you'll leave this event 1217 00:58:17,030 --> 00:58:18,950 interested in other people's stories 1218 00:58:18,950 --> 00:58:20,340 and willing to share your own. 1219 00:58:20,340 --> 00:58:21,590 Thanks again for coming. 1220 00:58:21,590 --> 00:58:24,640 [APPLAUSE]