Through Grief, He Found His Way at UVA

Then tragedy struck. In March 2019, in Rehan’s fourth year at UVA, he died on a hiking trip. Roshan was a junior in high school.

“It flipped my world upside down,” Roshan said.

What had seemed inevitable – that he would attend the University of Virginia just like his brother – suddenly seemed unlikely.

“I didn’t know if I wanted to put myself in a place where I would constantly feel him,” Roshan said.

That wasn’t just because he associated UVA with Rehan. It was also because his brother was a vice chair in Housing & Residence Life; a member of Theta Tau, an engineering fraternity; was a guide in the University Guide Service; and an active volunteer through Madison House. He was well-loved on Grounds, a “light” at UVA. Everywhere, there would be people who would know him as “Rehan’s little brother.”

While Roshan wasn’t sure he would be there at UVA, it turned out that UVA was there for him. The summer after Rehan died, people who knew him started reaching out to Roshan. They made him realize that he had a community at UVA before he even filled out an application.

“I took that as a sign and ran with it. I applied early decision,” Roshan said.

Four years later, Roshan has earned one of the highest distinctions that the University gives its students. He’s a resident of the Lawn, living in the same room once occupied by his brother’s best friend.

The whole experience, Roshan said, has been “surreal.” He credits the UVA community with helping him get here.

One of those people is Emily Ewing, Rehan’s girlfriend and a 2018 graduate. She knew Roshan before Rehan’s death, but mostly as a quiet kid, her boyfriend’s partner in crime.

In the days after Rehan died, Ewing joined with the Baddeliyanage family as friends, neighbors and loved ones drifted in and out of their house in Northern Virginia to offer condolences. She watched Roshan across the kitchen table as he tried to hold it together. She got up and gave him a hug.

“We didn’t really talk before then, unless Rehan was there. But I think after that, there was just this mutual understanding of like, ‘We’re family now,’” Ewing said.

They started talking on FaceTime and sending each other pictures on Snapchat, little reminders that each was there for the other. Ewing took him to go see "The Avengers,” a shared interest, even if Roshan did tend to fall asleep during movies.

Ewing watched him transform from a shy teenager to a leader in his own right.

“He brings the light to any room,” she said. “But he also knows how to sit back and let the light shine on other people.”

Navigating your own way through grief doesn’t guarantee that you can help someone else go through a difficult time, but Ewing said Roshan has an uncanny ability to understand what others need and offer it to them.

For Ayaan Said, a fourth-year student who counts Roshan among her closest friends, those offerings are sometimes literal.

“I love drinking Coca-Cola, so anytime he’s coming over to my apartment, he will always show up with a Coke,” Said said.

That’s a small example of the way Roshan supports his friends, she said.

There are others. Early in their friendship, the two were hanging out at Roshan’s apartment with three other friends when they received a shelter-in-place order from the UVA Police Department: A gunman had just killed three football players and injured two students. Roshan, Said and their friends spent the night camped out in Roshan’s living room, waiting for updates from the police.

“Going through that with Roshan made it so much easier,” Said said. “That’s what really made us close.”

Said and Ewing agree that Roshan’s sense of humor makes him stand out. Knowing that one of Said’s favorite snacks is Scandinavian Swimmers from Trader Joe’s, he brought her the special Halloween version of the candy, called Bats and Cats. And he’s just as familiar with indie musician Phoebe Bridgers as he is with rapper Fetty Wap.

The Baddeliyanage family established a scholarship for fourth-year students in Rehan’s memory and Roshan sits on the committee that decides who receives the scholarship. The other committee members were interested in his UVA journey, so Roshan started a new segment for every meeting, “HellUVA Take With Ro,” where he expresses sometimes-controversial opinions to get the committee into lighthearted debate.

He’s doing more than just finishing what his brother started. He chose global commerce as a major, where his brother had studied biomedical engineering. Like Rehan, Roshan is part of the University Guide Service, but he also sings in the Virginia No Tones, an a capella group for the musically untalented.

Roshan is grateful to be at the University: “But it comes with some incredibly difficult times. Grief goes up and down,” he said.

One of the toughest moments came via a class assignment. He signed up for a course called “The Resilient Student” with Tim Davis, an associate professor of leadership and public policy. One task was to find something hard to do and go do it.

Roshan chose a task that was more difficult than it seemed. He chose to visit a bench placed in honor and memory of Rehan and his brother’s first-year roommate, John Paul Popovich, who died as a first-year student.

He had been afraid of it, but is no longer. In fact, he now visits the bench whenever he needs guidance.

Although Roshan has found his own path at UVA, he remembers Rehan each step of the way.

“My biggest ‘why’ has always been him,” Roshan said.