This Professor Has Tips for Students Who May Feel Lonely

“I think college is a potentially isolating and lonely time,” she added, “but I think it’s also a really cool time because everyone is going through that exact same experience.”

She offered these tips to make lasting connections.

Everyone Is in The Same Boat

“I would encourage students to take the advice that everyone is probably feeling as lonely or as unsure of their place in the social world as they are, and to therefore be the ones to take the initiative,” Wood said.

“Rather than waiting for someone else to ask you to do things, you need to be the one to do it. You need to ask someone to go to lunch with you or ask someone to be your study buddy.”

She said taking that first step can be scary, but the other person is probably going to be glad you did.

Get Involved

“We know that after college, one of the best ways to meet people is to join a club,” Wood said. Joining affinity groups in college does the same thing. If you are interested in salsa dancing and join UVA’s Salsa Club (they call themselves “the spiciest” group on Grounds), then bingo, you’re plugged in with dozens of like-minded people. And with more than 700 clubs to choose from, there’s something for everyone at UVA.

Adrienne Wood is an assistant professor of psychology and leads UVA’s Emotion and Behavior Lab. (University Communications photo)

You Are Likable and Studies Prove It

“There’s all this evidence that suggests that people systematically underestimate how likeable they are. Or they think that they are less interesting than others,” said Wood, who runs UVA’s Emotion and Behavior Lab. “If you have the idea that other people like you and you genuinely believe that about yourself, it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.”

‘Face-to-Face Interaction Is the Ticket’

Wood said students really need to move beyond message boards, video games and texting to create fulfilling relationships.

Social media is a great way to kick-start plans, “but I really think face-to-face interaction is the ticket,” she said. “Get out there in the real world. You’ll have so much more fun and feel so much more connected.

“For anyone who feels like everyone else is popular and socializing, I would say there is a pretty basic psychological bias going on,” Wood said.

If, for example, you are walking down the Lawn, your eyes are going to be drawn to the group sitting on a blanket chatting. “For every person you see who has friends, you’re not going to see the 10 other people who feel just as lonely or isolated as you do.” 

So, schedule a weekly coffee date with the person you sit next to in your Intro to American Studies course, or plan regular dinners with your biology lab partner. 

“One of the best predictors of whether people become friends is how often they see each other,” Wood said.